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Red Sonja 12

Red Sonja 12

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Red Sonja 12 coverWhere were we? Red Sonja and the polygamist exile prince Suumaro were trying to break free of a prison palace, which was built on top of a tree by Suumaro’s sorceress mother Apah Alah shortly after her husband left her. They’d met a horned centaur who used a glass-blowing pipe to create leather eggs that hatched into thumb-sized peacocks that grew to thousands of times their original size in a matter of minutes. The centaur died. The giant peacocks died. Sonja went blind for a while. And after she got her sight back, she was approached by a demon who wanted her to steal something called the Emblem. The demon’s name is Kthonn and he offers both Sonja and Suumaro great wealth if they retrieve this issue’s mystic doodad. That’s page one.

Sonja stabs him on page two. Basically, she knows he’s going to betray her, so why not cut out a lot of useless effort and kill him now? Her logic is sound, but her blade has no effect on the demon. So instead she agrees to find the Emblem. Apparently, among other things, the Emblem has the power to free them all from the prison palace.

Suumaro uses his magic to get a general fix on the talisman’s location. Turns out it’s in yet another tower of the increasingly large prison complex. So the two of them go off in search of the thing and, as soon as they’re out of earshot, Kthonn reveals that (spoiler) he’s planning to sacrifice them as soon as they return with the Emblem. Who’s he going to sacrifice them to? We’re never told. An even bigger demon, probably.

So, Sonja, Suumaro, and Kthonn all know this is a bad deal. But everyone’s going along with it anyway, presumably because seventeen pages aren’t going to fill themselves. And when they reach the (unguarded) chamber where the Emblem is kept, they find four items on a table: a wand, a sword, a coin, and a cup.

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Red Sonja 11

Red Sonja 11

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Red Sonja 11 coverThe story opens with Red Sonja and Suumaro in the talons of a giant peacock, being flown away from the ruins of the sorceress Apah Alah’s honeymoon suite. It was explained (though not very clearly) last issue, but to catch up with the story (and the series in general), all you have to know is that a lot of crazy things happen to Red Sonja and she usually ends up stabbing most of those crazy things. Oh, and she’s blind after being covered in the blood of a peacock-blowing man-stallion (seriously, not half as sick as you’re thinking).

If you’re honest with yourself, you know how you’d react to being blinded, then clutched in the talon of a giant peacock. I’d be terrified. Red Sonja’s first line this issue: “I’d hoped that when death arrived for me – I’d at least be able to see well enough to spit in its face!” And that’s really all you have to know about Red Sonja.

The giant bird drops them on the upper section of the palace, where they are greeted by a bald woman with a crossbow named Narca. It turns out Narca is angry at the bird for trying to take Sonja and Suumaro out of the palace (even though the bird wasn’t taking them out of the palace, just the crumbling part of it). So she shoots the giant peacock with her crossbow, then has her army of albino gorillas drag its corpse to a giant vat of blood, where it is dumped.

Why is she so mad about Sonja and Suumaro’s escape attempt? Because she’s trapped there too. In her own wing of the palace. With an army of gorillas. And a blood pit that she uses for demonic summoning. And this isn’t even the dumbest prison set-up I’ve seen in the series (see issue two).

Sonja can’t see Narca, but Suumaro tells her that she’s “purely evil,” which he seems to conclude from the fact that she’s bald and shot a big bird. Then she shoots a second giant peacock and has it tossed into the blood pit as well. Some demon is apparently very thirsty.

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Red Sonja 10

Red Sonja 10

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Red Sonja 10 coverSo this story opens with Red Sonja and the inexplicably-still-unslain Suumaro on a reconnaissance mission. They’re traveling by raft into the least-fortified part of Skranos to gather intelligence on its fortifications. After I wrote that sentence, I realized that if they already know what part of the city is least-fortified, then haven’t they already scoped out the fortifications?

Never mind. They never make it into the city this issue anyway. Before the first page is turned, Sonja, Suumaro, and the retinue of soldiers they brought with them are attacked by winged demon-people. Suumaro is all-too-familiar with the creatures, saying that his sorceress mother, Apah Alah, created them as guardians. Sonja asks what she used them to guard.

A better question might be what kind of spy mission includes the leader of the resistance movement, a woman who drunkenly challenged the entire army to kill her, a dozen armed men, and their horses? How exactly were they expecting to slip in unnoticed?

Again, never mind. We’ve got harpies to fight. Well, for a page and a half. The harpies (or whatever) kill all the other men, as well as the horses. (Have I mentioned how badly horses get treated in this series?) Leaving Red Sonja and Suumaro on the shore of a forest. Capping the trunk of one of the largest trees is a castle.

Yeah, a castle is growing out of a tree. It’s just there, by the shore between Skranos and the rebel encampment. And nobody noticed a castle growing out of a tree up until now.

And since this Red Sonja, you guessed it. She freaks out for one panel, then moves on. Because mildly freaked out is just how she’s learned to function.

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The Pop Culture Class of 1960 – 1969: Marvel Firsts: The 1960s

The Pop Culture Class of 1960 – 1969: Marvel Firsts: The 1960s

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Marvel Firsts The 1960s-smallI remember the first time I read Origins of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee’s seminal 1974 anthology collecting the first appearances of the Fantastic Four, the Hulk, Spider-Man, Thor, and Doctor Strange. It was memorable because, for one thing, Stan’s bombastic introductions were frequently more entertaining than the comics themselves, and for another… the comics sure looked old.

Stan knew that, and he also knew a collection of first issues didn’t necessarily reflect Marvel Comics at its best. So alongside each origin story he also reprinted a tale that did showcase what made these characters special, including the FF’s epic battle with the Silver Surfer (from issue #55), Spider-Man’s tussle with the Shocker (issue #72), and others classic stories from the late 60s.

It made for a terrific book — and a great seller. Stan followed it a year later with Son of Origins of Marvel Comics, and then Bring on the Bad Guys; all told Marvel produced a total of 24 different books in similar format with publishing partner Fireside Books.

Origins of Marvel Comics hasn’t been in print in nearly three decades (ignoring the oddity with the same title released last May, which condenses the origin of each of the Marvel’s most popular characters into a single page), which is a shame. However, Marvel finally rectified this oversight late in 2011, kicking off an ambitious program to collect the first appearances of virtually every one of its major and minor characters.

This is a massive undertaking, and while I miss the partner tales Stan included alongside his selections, it’s an understandable sacrifice for the sake of completeness. While another reprinting of The Fantastic Four #1 or Amazing Fantasy #15 wouldn’t normally get me to crack open my wallet, an omnibus volume that also collects The Rawhide Kid #17 (from 1955), Daredevil #1 (1964), Western comic The Ghost Rider #1 (1967) and numerous others was definitely worth a look.

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Red Sonja 9

Red Sonja 9

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Red Sonja 9 coverI really don’t want to be “that guy.” Long-time comic fans know “that guy.” The one who can say with authority whether the Batmobile is stick or automatic, how Wonder Woman can find her invisible jet, and who would win in the oldest comic grudge match: Superman or the Hulk. I don’t want to be one of those fans who tells the writer that he’s writing his characters wrong.

But I’ve been following Red Sonja for a while and I think I have a feel for how she thinks, what she values. I come back every month to follow her adventures partially because I like how she handles said adventures. So when I read a story that just goes against so much of what’s been established up to this point, it just pulls me out of the tenuous suspension of disbelief I have to enter to take any of this seriously.

When the story opens and Red Sonja is having dinner with Suumaro, a man who openly keeps a harem of a chained women, something doesn’t ring true. She set them free last issue; but there’s no mention of what happened to them. She should be helping them escape from their indifferent master or, better yet, training them into a fighting force that can exact revenge. At the very least, she should run her sword through this Tarzan wannabe.

As it is, she excuses herself from the meal to go into the nearby woods and sleep in a tree. Hey, who doesn’t have to get away from it all once in a while? After drowning one of Suumaro’s generals in mammoth innards last issue, she’s now taken over his post. The rigors of command are no doubt getting to her; but honestly, why does she want to work for this creep?

Sure enough, she’s not dozing for half a page before the jerk comes trolling after her. She jumps off the limb and he moves to embrace her. She pushes him away, explaining that she’s made a vow, which I have to believe is her way of being polite. I have no idea why she’s trying to be polite to this guy.

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MAKE THIS TRUE OR HARVEY SMASH! Planet Hulk to Come after Avengers 2

MAKE THIS TRUE OR HARVEY SMASH! Planet Hulk to Come after Avengers 2

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HulkPlanetHulkHCHULK SMASH MARVEL STUDIOS FOR SENDING HULK INTO SPACE!

Maybe he will and maybe he won’t, because that is how “scoops” work, and in this case we are dealing with a scoop for a film quite a few years out.

However, Latino Review and their esteemed El Mayimbe have a long history of accuracy with breaking movie news, so when El Mayimbe says that Marvel wants to make a movie version of Planet Hulk as a follow-up to 2015’s upcoming The Avengers 2, it bears serious consideration.

And, if true, damn I’m psyched and ready to Hulk-out. You should be too.

(Caution that El Mayimbe’s video may be considered mildly “spoilery” about the possible end of The Avengers 2. My comments below may also infer bits about Avengers 2.)

Planet Hulk is a long 2006 arc from The Incredible Hulk comic book (with tie-ins) by writer Greg Pak and illustrator Carlo Pagulayan. The gist: A small group known as the Illuminati, composed of the most powerful heroes on Earth, decide that the Hulk is simply too dangerous for the planet, so they shut him in a spaceship and blast his green butt off into space to land on a peaceful planet to spend the rest of his days. Only… this is a comic book and such a development would be boring. Nobody wants to see Hulk traipsing through a shady copse, smiling, and picking up alien daisies. TRA-LA-LA, HULK NO SMASH! HULK LOVE RHODODENDRONS!

Instead, the Hulk’s ship goes through a wormhole, and he crashes on the violent planet of Sakaar. What follows is basically a sword-and-sorcery epic with the Hulk playing a Robert E. Howard hero who battles his way from gladiatorial slavery all the way to becoming the ruler of the planet. Trust me, it’s awesome — breaking away from the traditional “Hulk vs. General Ross” storylines on Earth and fulling embracing the Leigh Brackett and ERB style of muscular planetary romance. (Try to imagine Hulk as the star of The Sword of Rhiannon!) And the whole enormous thing is available digitally from Amazon.

Our own Bill Ward did an excellent write-up of the comic in 2009 if you desire more details.

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New Treasures: IDW’s Popeye

New Treasures: IDW’s Popeye

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Popeye Issue 2Okay. I’m fully aware that Popeye was not what you expected on a Monday morning here at your online radar for all that’s great and new in modern fantasy. But please, indulge me for a moment.

I buy comics on Saturday, on my way home from the post office. Finally finished with a busy Saturday morning packing and mailing back issues, I reward myself by browsing the stacks of new arrivals at Graham Crackers Comics in St. Charles. My point here is that, when I’m purchasing comics, I’m a bit more prone to impulse buys than I am with other forms of entertainment.

It was just such an impulse that caused me to pick up the first two issues of IDW’s new Popeye comic. Certainly it wasn’t any special affection for E.C. Segar’s character — in fact, I can’t really recall the last time I read Popeye, unless it was in the pages of Rick Norwood’s excellent Comics Revue two decades ago. Probably Bruce Ozella’s clean and dynamic art style in the first issue didn’t hurt — flipping through the pages reminded me immediately of Carl Barks and Don Rosa, and that’s a good thing.

The first issue, a 22-page epic featuring a dangerous quest to a lost island, mysterious fog, a Sea Hag, pirates, and witchcraft, reads like a Carl Barks Uncle Scrooge story too. Except here it doesn’t quite work. It’s funny, sorta, and the art is great, but the whole affair doesn’t really come off.

Fortunately, the second issue is a huge improvement. In fact, it’s a mini-masterpiece. This one is split into two tales — the first a complete farce, as Popeye discovers his girlfriend Olive Oyl is being courted by the smooth-talking Willy Wormwood. Popeye’s crazed attempts to one-up Wormwood — for example, uprooting a 100-year-old elm tree to present to Olive when Wormwood offers her flowers — reveal the essential core of his relationship with Olive. Their love and friendship, such as it is, is based almost wholly on mutual misunderstanding.

The second story, “John Sappo and Prof. O.G. Wotasnozzle and Saffer’s Wife Myrtle,” is even better. In fact, it is a small slice of genius. All three title characters live together in a small house, and all three have simple ambitions: Sappo wants to be left alone to read his paper; Myrtle wants to unceasingly nag her husband; and Prof. O.G. Wotasnozzle desires only to quietly work on his inventions and best his hated rival Prof. Finkelsnop. Naturally, only one can be satisfied at any moment. When Sappo asks Wotasnozzle for an invention that will block out his wife’s nagging, and a peeved Myrtle asks for something to nullify Sappo’s new Jar of Solitude, the result is an ever-escalating battle of invention and counter-invention that leads to hilariously catastrophic results. This is a comic that had me laughing on virtually every page.

Popeye is published by IDW, individual issues are priced at $3.99. Issue #1 was written by Roger Langridge and drawn by Bruce Ozella; Issue 2 was written by Langridge and drawn by Ken Wheaton and Tom Neely. Check it out at a comic shop near you.

Red Sonja 8

Red Sonja 8

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Red Sonja 8 coverWhen we last left Red Sonja, she was about to be hung for killing some guy twenty issues ago. Last month, Oryx, a mammoth-riding bully, decided to turn her in to the victim’s family for a reward. Apparently, he opted for the dead option in dead or alive.

This issues begins with Sonja managing a few more insults and even a good kick before she’s cut free of the noose by Suumaro, Oryx’s brother and local outcast.

His motive? Why, he wants to make Red Sonja his wife, of course. Poor Suumaro.

So after a rooftop fight with a couple of thugs, Sonja and Suumaro (oh, both their names start with S – they could use the same monogrammed towels) are out of the fort and into the surrounding hills, where they find his military camp. It seems that Summaro wasn’t the only one cast out of the fort. He apparently sneaks back in every now and again to gather intelligence against the day when his army takes it back. And after watching Red Sonja fight, he invites her to join his army.

Thing is, Red Sonja’s been around the block a few times. She knows how this thing goes. And she’s met her share of guys claiming to be impressed by her prowess in battle, when in fact they’re just trying to get her out of her chain mail. She asks Suumaro point-blank if he’s got a wife and his answer is, “I’ve got several … but that is of little consequence to me at this moment.”

Red flag. Two red flags, actually. Red flag one? He’s got multiple wives. Sonja’s just escaped the noose for murdering one polygamist and this could be a terrible trend. Red flag two? His wives are of little consequence to him.

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The King of Asgard: Jack Kirby’s Thor

The King of Asgard: Jack Kirby’s Thor

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Journey Into Mystery 83Journey Into Mystery first appeared in 1952, one of a number of anthology titles from publisher Martin Goodman’s line of comic books. Over the years, the title featured a lot of short horror, fantasy, and science fiction tales, many of them collaborations between editor/scripter Stan Lee and artists like Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby. Until 1962. At that point Goodman’s comics were beginning to change direction, following a revival of interest in the super-hero genre. A team book, The Fantastic Four, had taken off. A solo book had followed, The Incredible Hulk. Heroes would now be his company’s main product, and the line would soon come to be known as Marvel Comics. The horror anthology books would be taken over by recurring super-hero characters, and Journey Into Mystery would be the first of the bunch. So with issue 83, in August 1962, in a story credited to Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby, it introduced its new lead: the mighty Thor, Norse god of thunder.

Donald Blake, a physician with a leg injury, takes a vacation in Norway. There, he stumbles across an invasion of the planet Earth by Stone Men from Saturn. Fleeing the aliens, and losing his cane in the process, Blake stumbles into a cave, where he finds a gnarled walking-stick lying on an altar-like stone. In frustration, he slams the stick into the cave wall and is transformed into Thor, vastly strong and able to summon storms at will. He defeats the Stone Men and embarks on an increasingly fascinating series of adventures.

Kirby drew the book sporadically between issues 83 and 100, then consistently from 101 through to the point where he left Marvel — number 179, with a fill-in by Buscema on the issue before. While, as I’ve said before, it’s difficult to make definitive statements about who did what creatively in the early Marvel comics, it’s safe to say that Kirby was the primary creative force here as with most of his other books. The Marvel method meant that he was structuring and probably plotting stories, as well as suggesting dialogue beats. I think Thor represented one of his great accomplishments, a working-out of some of his major themes; evolution, myth, life, and death. It’s not only an anticipation of his later New Gods series, but a powerful work of children’s literature in its own right — and, like much of the best children’s literature, it can be read for pleasure by receptive adults as well.

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Red Sonja 7

Red Sonja 7

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Red Sonja 7 coverRemember when Red Sonja killed that king way back in Savage Sword of Conan 1? People are still giving her crap about it. Honestly, that must have been twenty issues ago, at least. I’m sure that the statute of limitations in the Hyborian Age was something like six months for regicide; but people still bring it up.

But first, this story begins with Sonja trying to cross a rope bridge. A frayed rope, rotten wood-plank bridge. She decides that the risk of the bridge snapping is outweighed by her need to sleep indoors that night, so she braves it. And she’s doing fine, stepping lightly. Folks make fun of her chain mail bikini, but I’m sure a woman in full-body plating would have fallen through the rotten panels of that bridge. So Sonja’s choice of armor actually saves her life this time. The bridge is more than able to bear the weight of Sonja, her bikini, and her sword.

And her horse.

Because, really, how much could a horse weigh? (900 pounds on the light side … thanks, Yahoo) So Red Sonja, when presented with the option of placing one-hundred pounds of weight or one-thousand pounds of weight on a rickety bridge, chooses the latter because … I honestly don’t know.

Well, surprising no one (least of all, the horse), the bridge falls apart just as she’s about to set foot on the other side. Sonja manages to grasp on to a rocky ledge. Sonja’s horse, on the other hand, goes the way of so many horses before it. Really, how many horses has she lost since her first appearance? Despite her vow, it’s actually safer to flirt with Sonja than to be her horse.

And I just remembered that she did fall in love with a horse already, back in Red Sonja 1, so the joke I was planning to tell has been told. And that is one of the reasons I love this character: no matter how absurd a situation I can imagine her in, chances are she’s already done it.

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