Black Gate

And you thought your holiday travel was a nightmare…

On Tuesday of this week, “sources” from Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport reported to the Chicago Sun-Times that 18 human heads had arrived from Rome just before Christmas and were on their way to a research facility in the suburbs when they were stopped by security.

For attempting to smuggle in a wheel of pecorino cheese…?

Nope. Officials initially said it was a paperwork problem that prevented the heads from reaching their final destination, but apparently the crack reporters at the Sun-Times have just discovered the hold-up is actually connected to “an ongoing investigation at the suburban facility in question.” But before you jump to all conclusions, the investigation is “absolutely not” connected to the shipment of the heads, the source said.

Paging Dr. West… Dr. West, please pick up the nearest red courtesy phone…

The heads were unceremoniously shipped as cargo on a Lufthansa Airlines flight, but “were properly preserved and tagged as human specimens,” said Tony Brucci, chief investigator for the medical examiner’s office.

The Coalition for Airline Passengers’ Rights has filed a complaint with the FAA saying the heads were confined to the cargo hold for the 9 hour and 15 minute flight without the benefit of inflight catering or entertainment.

Okay, that’s not true.  But the rest of this is.

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From Shakespeare to American Werewolf in London, audiences have always appreciated a little graveyard humor.  And for those of us who thoroughly enjoy having the snot scared out of us in the theater, there’s almost nothing more sublime than the added adrenaline rush of not being able to decide whether to shriek with horror or laughter.

Therefore it was with double satisfaction that last week I got a look at the opening scene for a new flick called Warm Bodies; once because it furthers my prediction that zombies are the new vampires (following the polyester bell-bottoms that were the Twilight franchise, something had to give…) and twice because the clip was well, just so darn amusing.

Coming to theaters on February 1, just around the time when all of us in cold-weather states can relate to a zombie trapped in an airport terminal, Warm Bodies takes us into the mind of “R” the film’s protagonist zombie played by Nicholas Hoult (late of X-Men First Class and Clash of the Titans) as he tries to make sense of his current situation and potentially save mankind.  The cast is rounded out by Dave Franco as “Perry” (James’ younger bro), Teresa Palmer as “Julie” and John Malkovich as “General Grigio.”

The fact that it has John Malkovich alone would be enough to get me to Warm Bodies on opening night.

So is it a horror movie?  An action film?  A romantic comedy?

Apparently it’s a little of everything including Shakespeare.  According to IMDB:

The film is based loosely on Romeo and Juliet. “R” = “Romeo”; “Julia” = “Juliet; “Perry” = “Paris”; “M/Marcus” = “Mercutio”; “Nora” = Juliet’s “Nurse” (the character of Nora is also a nurse).

See for yourself… (embedded trailer after the jump).

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This week in 1973 a fourteen-year-old girl hurls obscenities, vomits and behaves like Satan himself.

Today this would be just another episode of an MTV reality show, but 39 years ago it was a move called The Exorcist which changed the horror genre forever.

The Exorcist was released theatrically in the United States on December 26, 1973 by Warner Bros. On April 2, 1974 the film had earned ten Academy Award nominations, winning two (Best Sound and Best Adapted Screenplay). In the years since it has been voted the Scariest Move of All Time by Entertainment Weekly, Maxim and the UK’s The Times newspaper and according to BoxOfficeMojo, has taken in around $232,906,145 at the US Box Office and $208,400,000 in foreign markets for a combined worldwide total of $441,306,145; huge numbers for a movie with a production budget of $10.5 million.

In short, the movie wasn’t just a hit – it was a global phenomenon. If adjusted for inflation, The Exorcist would be the top grossing R-rated film of all time.

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Normally, I’d be prone to bust on this, but either the holiday season has taken a little edge off my snark, or this is actually kind of a cool idea.

This week, A&E released a featurette to promote its upcoming mini-series / prequel Bates Motel. Looks like we’re finally going to find out how Norman became psycho and got his mother fixation.

Freddie Highmore, the adorable little moppet last seen in Finding Neverland and Tim Burton’s Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, has grown up quite a bit and takes on the role made famous by Anthony Perkins, as a teenager this time; with Vera Farmiga (George Clooney’s love interest in Up In the Air) portraying Norman’s eventually-mummified-Mom, “Norma.”

Hot Mom with an only son who she named after herself…yes the creep-factor is mounting…

A&E joins NBC in bringing another monstrous movie murderer to the small screen to more closely examine what makes him tick. Similar to what Bryan Fuller’s upcoming Hannibal series plans to do with Hannibal Lecter, A&E’s Bates Motel will focus on young Norman’s serial killer psyche and how his backstory turned him into what he’s most known for cinematically.

“Norman has been through a lot. He’s a sensitive boy,” Norma Bates can be heard to say in the new promo. We get a glimpse of Norman fraternizing with some of his female classmates (before Mother put a stop to that) and displaying an early eeriness.

It also looks like we discover where Norman got the idea to hide bodies in the lake behind the hotel. The cast seems especially enthusiastic about the writing talking about crazy turns, suspense and emotional characters, and the music sets a sufficiently ominous mood.

See for yourself with the full trailer, after the jump.

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Honestly, I don’t know where to start with this news.

Back in 1986, Sonny Bono, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Noah Hathaway (who played the lead character “Boxy” in the original TV version of Battlestar Galactica and “Atreyu” in The NeverEnding Story), got together in a cinematic train wreck called Troll. This film, such that it is, is not to be confused with Troll 2, called “the most beloved-best worst movie of all time,” which was released in 1990 and had zilch to do with the plot of its namesake.

In Troll, the sister of Hathaway’s character (played by ex Charlie’s Angel Shelly Hack) is possessed by an evil wizard in the form of a troll.

Hathaway’s character in Troll was “Harry Potter Jr.”

Since JK Rowling first published her famous book series about a boy wizard in 1997, I rather doubt she stole the character from John Carl Buechler’s wretched film (or even saw it for that matter). But the people behind Troll do have a claim on the name Harry Potter; and we are in the middle of a remake craze…

Can you guess where this is going…?

If you guessed a remake of Troll called Troll: Rise of Harry Potter, you’d win. You’d also likely win a lawsuit from Rowling and Warner Brothers Studio.

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