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Movie Review: It Don’t Mean The Thing if It Ain’t Got That Swing

Movie Review: It Don’t Mean The Thing if It Ain’t Got That Swing

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thing-prequelThe Thing (2011)

Directed by Matthijs van Heijningen Jr. Starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Joel Edgerton, Ulrich Thomsen.

A dialogue that occurs in the 1982 John Carpenter movie The Thing, as scientist Blair (Wilford Brimley) explains the nature of the twisted dog-mass corpse on his operating table:

Blair: See what were talking about here is an organism that imitates other life-forms, and imitates them perfectly. When this thing attacked our dogs it tried to digest them, absorb them, and in the process shape its own cells to imitate them. This, for instance … [points to bone] That’s not dog. It’s imitation. We got to it before it had time to finish.

Norris: Finish what?

Blair: Finish imitating these dogs.

Now imagine this conversation repurposed slightly:

Blair: See what were talking about here is a movie that imitates a popular movie with enormous name-recognition, and imitates it outwardly perfectly, while inwardly lacking its essential qualities. When it attacked John Carpenter’s The Thing it tried to digest it, and in the process shape its screenplay to imitate it while masquerading as a prequel. This, for instance … [points to film on screen] That’s not The Thing or a prequel to it. It’s a cosmetic imitation. We didn’t get to it before it finished.

Norris: Finished what?

Blair: Finished re-making The Thing while pretending that it wasn’t.

And so my review is finished.

But, if you want some further details, there is a bit more after the jump.

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The Hound on a Hunt: The Evie Scelan Trilogy

The Hound on a Hunt: The Evie Scelan Trilogy

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spiralhuntSpiral Hunt
Wild Hunt
Soul Hunt
By Margaret Ronald
Harper Voyager (320/320/320 pages, $7.99, Jan 09/Jan 10/Dec 10)

Evie Scelan doesn’t want to be a hero. Unfortunately for Evie, she is the Hound. If it’s lost, she can find it, but in her world there is much that’s best left lost. This natural ability keeps drawing her into elaborate mystical conspiracies, drawing more and more unwanted power – both the social and metaphysical kinds – her way.

She’s more than happy to cruise under the radar, using her talent to sniff out lost objects (literally) on a freelance basis, but really doesn’t want much to do with the “undercurrent,” the supernatural world around modern-day Boston in Margaret Ronald’s urban fantasy setting.

You can’t really blame Evie for wanting to keep on the outside of things, because these undercurrent types seem kind of kooky. And not a good-natured type of Harry Potter wizard kooky, but more like Harry Dresden with Asperger Syndrome, sometimes with some pyromaniac tendencies thrown in. Any sane person would want to stay completely clear of this bizarre world, if they could.

Evie, unfortunately, can’t.

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Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.4 “Defending Your Life”

Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.4 “Defending Your Life”

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This week begins with a car chasing a man through the streets of Dearborn, MI. He gets into his 10th floor apartment … only to find the car in the room waiting for him, slamming him into the wall.

Sam defends his brother, Dean, when put on trial for his life by the Egyptian god Osiris.
Sam defends his brother, Dean, when put on trial for his life.
Sam and Dean are happy to be working a more normal case. They briefly wonder if the case could be a Christine-style living car, but that doesn’t explain how it gets onto the 10th floor. The victim is a recovered alcoholic and makes monthly flower deliveries to a cemetery.

Seems the guy may have been a drunk driver who killed a girl a decade earlier. The boys dig up the girl’s body and burn the bones, which should take care of everything … but another guy goes through a similar situation, this time mauled by a dog.

Looks like there’s more going on here than just a ticked off spirit.

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Art of the Genre: Dark Tower and Bob Pepper

Art of the Genre: Dark Tower and Bob Pepper

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Goth Chick say 'bring it!'
Goth Chick say 'bring it!'

We’re a little less than three weeks from World Fantasy Con in San Diego and John O’Neill is at it again. This time he’s sent Goth Chick in from Chicago to prepare for his California arrival which wouldn’t be a problem except she and my receptionist Kandline don’t get along. Seriously, it’s was like watching Malibu Barbie and one of the Bratz go at it over the actual value of an immunity boost at Jamba Juice.

Meanwhile Ryan Harvey and I are watching the new Avengers trailer and debating which was a better hero, Ryan’s boy Captain America, or my personal favorite Iron Man. Yep, the offices were in an uproar and the only way to settle or satisfy the situation… Dark Tower grudge match!

Yeah, that’s how we roll here at Black Gate L.A.

Before you could say Strawberry’s Wild the game was out and sides declared. Ryan became the dapper-dressed troubadour king of Zenon, Goth Chick created the perfect persona as the necromantic queen of Brynthia, lovely Kandi decided on the enchanted and silver-charmed princess of Arisilon, and I of course took the unlucky and often lost in the wilds Baron of Durnin.

It was an epic contest, the tower spinning out brigands and dragons with equal delight, but in the end Ryan rethought his purpose in life, found religion, and joined the Sanctuary of Brynthia, Kandi finally allowed my baron to get ‘lucky’ in the ruins of Brynthia before we ran off together, and Goth Chick took the tower with the help of her undead hordes. All-in-all it was a solid days work, but as I played I couldn’t help stare at the art involved in the game with whimsical delight.

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Movie Review: TrollHunter Is the Found-Footage Film Norse Myth Nuts Having Been Waiting For!

Movie Review: TrollHunter Is the Found-Footage Film Norse Myth Nuts Having Been Waiting For!

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uk-troll-hunter-posterTrollHunter (2011)
Directed by André Øvredal. Starring Otto Jespersen, Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Mørck, Hans Morten Hansen, Tomas Alf Larsen, Urmilla Berg Domaas.

I love any review that gives me an excuse to use “ø.” Next I will have to find an Icelandic movie so I can write a review using “þ” and “ð.”

In the recent glut of “found footage” films that followed the successes of Cloverfield and Paranormal Activity, the Norwegian film TrollHunter (Trolljegeren) is a true gleaming piece of uncovered dwarf’s gold. It ditches the gloom that hangs over the other movies in this subgenre and lets the audience have a good time along with its light scares. And while most found footage films are horror movies, this one is a fantasy. A fantasy with dark thrills, but nonetheless a fantasy.

TrollHunter first screened in the U.S. at Fantastic Fest 2010, where Magnet Distribution picked it up for release in Summer 2011. (Magnet has picked up some terrific small films and done simultaneous VOD and limited theatrical release patterns for them, including Hobo with a Shotgun and Centurion. Anything that Magnet picks up catches my interest now.) The film is currently available on DVD, Blu-ray, and Netflix streaming, and anyone who gets a high from fairy-tale fantasy or Norse myth should give this film a look despite the overused faux-documentary trappings.

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New Treasures: Dungeons & Dragons The Shadowfell

New Treasures: Dungeons & Dragons The Shadowfell

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shadowfellRegardless of where your gaming loyalties lie these days — 3rd Edition, 4th Edition, Original Edition, Pathfinder, or Other — you have to admit that Wizards of the Coast has produced a top-notch line of adventure supplements to support D&D over the past few years.

They’ve put some of the best writers in the business — including Ari Marmell, Bruce R. Cordell, Mike Mearls, Bill Slavicsek, Richard Baker, and many others — to work crafting attractive and superbly produced game books that keep me opening my wallet month after month.

Yet, as an old-school gamer who cut his teeth on the golden age of role-playing adventures, one thing I still miss is those beautiful box sets TSR produced in the 80s and 90s.

You know the ones I’m talking about. The Ruins of Undermountain, Dragon Mountain, Menzoberranzan, City by the Silt Sea, and dozens of others.

These weren’t just outsized adventure modules.  They were complete campaigns, packed with gorgeous color maps, thick adventure guides, character sheets, new monsters, and other mysterious goodies.

When you held one in the game store, you felt the promise of weeks of adventure vibrating in your hands. Or maybe it was just the crushing weight of the box, making your wrists weak. Whatever.  Your hands trembled, and you knew that had to be good.

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Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.3 “Girl Next Door”

Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.3 “Girl Next Door”

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Bobby explained to a heavily-medicated Dean that they're trying to escape from the Leviathan-possessed hospital staff.
Bobby explained to a heavily-medicated Dean that they're trying to escape from the Leviathan-possessed hospital staff.

Supernatural’s usually a bit more episodic than it has been lately. It seems like the last dozen or so episodes, even spanning back into the final episodes of last season, have had full-blown cliffhangers instead of just the usual dangling plot threads.

In this case, the cliffhanger is Sam and Dean getting taken to a hospital that is now run by Leviathan-possessed people. Bobby shows up in an uncharacteristically-dapper suit to get a morphine-laden Dean and unconscious Sam out of the hospital. They narrowly escape in a stolen ambulance, chased by Leviathans … and then comes the title splash. It does take a bit of the bite out of the cliffhanger when you know it’s going to get un-hanged before the title splashes across the screen.

With that out of the way, we get on with the plot of the episode, which focuses on an episode from Sam’s youth and his budding romance with a young woman named Amy … a girl who shows up in the present day in the form of Firefly and Stargate: Atlantis alum Jewel Staite.

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Weird Tales Summer 2011

Weird Tales Summer 2011

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wt358-170As usual, I’m behind the curve. I was delighted when I first heard that Ann VanderMeer was taking over Weird Tales but never got around to reading an issue under her direction because, well, I just never got around to it.  Alas, now she’s been relegated to the slush pile as a new owner wants to return the magazine back to its pulp Lovecraftan roots (although, the latest news is that the transition is being handled with a little more class than originally reported and it seems a final VanderMeer edited adieu issue is forthcoming).

I’m undoubtedly in the minority here amongst the crew of the good ship Black Gate in not being overly fond of Lovecraft, Howard and all the other pulp writers and am much more inclined to the “New Weird” sort of fiction that VanderMeer has championed.  Just take a look at the cover of the latest issue.  Nothing pulpish here. To my sensibilities, that’s a good thing.

Or, I guess I now have to say, was a good thing.

In any event, since nothing makes you more eager to catch up on your to-do-list than finding out some of the items are about to disappear, herewith my review of the fiction in the next-to-last VanderMeer edited Weird Tales.

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Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.2 “Hello Cruel World”

Supernatural Spotlight – Episode 7.2 “Hello Cruel World”

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Dean tries to help Sam deal with his hallucinations.
Dean tries to help Sam deal with his hallucinations.

Following the season 7 premiere, Castiel is taken over by the leviathans that he sucked out of Purgatory. This episode begins with a weakened Castiel-turned-leviathan leaving Dean and Bobby with a promise to deal with them later. He heads out into a lake and dissolves into black cloud of water that erupts out flowing in all directions … right into the local water supply, which allows the leviathans to begin taking over unsuspecting residents.

The vessel of Castiel appears to have not made it through the process, leading me to believe that Misha Collins (the actor who played Castiel) is gone from the show, at least for the foreseeable future. Dean certainly laments him, as he finds his trademark trenchcoat floating in the lake.

Sam is having some problems of his own, of course, as he’s having visions of Lucifer, who’s telling him that he never actually escaped from the cage where he trapped Lucifer and Michael (back at the end of season 5). Instead, Lucifer claims to have been inspiring this delusional post-apocalyptic “escape” as a way of torturing Sam. Dean claims that Lucifer isn’t real, but then that’s also what Lucifer says about Dean, so it’s hardly a compelling argument.

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Goth Chick News: The Doctor Will See You Now… So Run!

Goth Chick News: The Doctor Will See You Now… So Run!

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image003Considering what I get up to in my free time, one would not immediately peg me as squeamish. Rodents? No problem. Dead bodies? Nope! I dissected one in college. I’ve even gone so far as to occasionally baby-sit children who are not yet potty trained and not even flinched.

At least not much anyway.

But even those of us that can claim a stoutness of heart in nearly every situation, the operative word there is “nearly;” because everyone has something that makes their skin crawl.

Now this skeeviness is not to be confused with fear. Fear is saved for terrifying things like clowns. I’m talking about that one thing, rational or not, that makes your stomach roll over and all the blood run out of your face until someone asks you if you need to have a lie down.

For me, this is hospitals.

Before you jump in and try to tell me I’ve got a doctor phobia, I don’t. I’ve never been admitted to a hospital or been seriously ill.

However, I did work in a hospital and the results of this adventure are that even passing someone in the mall wearing a little too much white can make me throw up in my mouth a little.

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