Black Gate

William Goldman isn’t the first person to comment on this phenomenon, but he’s the first person I ever came across who had an explanation. You know what I’m talking about: The difference between real reality and fictional reality. We all know about the lists of occurrences that happen only in the movies, or on TV – and the real life things that never seem to happen in movies or TV.

Like, the protagonist always finds a parking spot right in front of where she needs to be. She always has the right amount of money for the taxi already in her hand. She can always find a taxi when she needs one. And there’s always cell phone reception.

My personal favourite is how no one ever says “goodbye” on the phone. Not even so much as a “seeya.” Just try that some time in real life. Go ahead, hang up without saying “goodbye.” I dare you. Though the one I really wonder about is that people on TV don’t watch TV.

William Goldman, the screenwriter and novelist, is likely best known to us genre people as the creator of The Princess Bride – both the novel and the screenplay. It shouldn’t surprise us that, as an Oscar-winning screenwriter, he has an explanation for these phenomena. As he sees it, they’re essentially – and essential – short cuts. As those of us who are writers know, there are all kinds of real-life occurrences, that happen all the time, but that don’t advance the plot, or reveal character, and are therefore useless from the point of view of storytelling.

…

Read More Read More

As I discussed in my previous two posts, Ovid does some amazing things in writing about sexual assault that I think all authors should take a look at. He often writes about it in a way that is subtle, empathetic, and respectful of rape as a crime with long term impact both on individuals and on larger societal groups.

Notice I said often. Because I want to make it very clear: Ovid was not a feminist. He was not a proto-feminist. He was often times more sensitive to issues that we would consider feminist today, but he was still a product of his time. He advised men when told “no” to keep trying. He advised women being pursued by men that saying “no” was a character defect. And he was willing to, say, turn one of history’s largest abduction scenarios into a punchline.

I refer, of course, to the Rape of the Sabine women, which Ovid covered in the Ars Amatoria. If you have never picked up the Ars, believe me when I say you are missing out. It is at times horrifying for having the sexual politics of, well, a first century wealthy Roman, but it is also an absolutely fascinating glimpse into daily life two thousand years ago. Ovid is advising young men on the art of finding, wooing, and keeping a lover, and he recommends that they take advantage of the close quarters of the theater to meet women. After all, that’s how the first generation of Proper Romans got their wives!

He then launches into the tale of how several dozen young Sabine women were invited with their parents to a performance shortly after the founding of Rome. At a pre-arranged signal, the Romans jumped up, grabbed a girl, and ran for it. The Sabines went back to gather their allies, returned after several months to reclaim their daughters and slaughter Romulus and his skeezy bros, and found that said daughters objected to the Sabines murdering their now-husbands. Peace ensues, and the Romans are left with many years of really awkward family reunions.

Hilarious, right? Not really. Not in the age of Bring Back Our Girls. Not then either, I imagine.

…

Read More Read More