Goth Chick News: Disposing of Real Vampires: A Historical Tutorial

Specific issues of preparedness inevitably crop up at certain times of the year.
Beginning in June, people in the coastal areas of the US begin thinking about laying in a supply of necessities in the event of a hurricane. Sometime in December, people in the Midwest do the same to get ready for the possibility of being snowed in. And near the beginning of October, it is once again time to begin considering defensive tactics against vampires and zombies; though we all know that unlike weather conditions, they are a constant and ever-present threat.
On the zombie front, the US government has us covered. The Center for Disease Control’s Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response devotes an entire area of their website to “zombie preparedness.” There you will find tips on how to plan for a zombie apocalypse, as well as tools for teaching zombie preparedness in the classroom. However, a careful search of the CDC site turned up only minor bits of useless vampire defense advice – generally in the context of how to cope with an infestation of bats.
Perhaps this is due to the fact that humans are already well (nay instinctively) versed on how to deal with vampires; you know, stake through the heart and all.
Turns out, you’re dead on.
In June of this year comes the news that the collective intelligence which drives us humans to go looking for the first pointy object we can lay our mitts on when faced with vampire troubles may not be learned from penny dreadfuls after all. Archaeologists in Bulgaria have unearthed two 700-year-old “vampire” skeletons, stabbed in the chest with an iron rod which was in the tomb next to the bodies.