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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 7 (plus Conan the Barbarian 66, 67, and 68)

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 7 (plus Conan the Barbarian 66, 67, and 68)

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marvel-feature-7-coverSo the next issue blurb at the end of Marvel Feature 6 was just a bit misleading. After you went back to the comic shop (or newsstand or drug store or wherever people went in 1976 to get comics), paid your thirty cents for Conan the Barbarian 66, and got the issue back home, you would discover that it wasn’t a continuation of the story from Marvel Feature 6 at all. No, “Daggers and Death-Gods!” instead told the story of Conan and Belit docking in Massantia to trade some “honest loot, freely plundered.” After some tense negotiating, they are told of a missing page from the Book of Skelos being kept in the Temple of a Thousand Gods. There’s a hefty reward being offered by an unknown client (who works through a middleman) to anyone who can steal the page from the temple. Conan and Belit make their way through the temple and, after nearly killing eachother, thanks to a caretaker’s spell, they find the page … and Red Sonja. So issue 66 actually tells a story parallel to the one we just finished, with the promise that the next part will, for real this time, be told in issue 67.

Well, we’ve already invested sixty cents into this story, so we might as well invest another thirty to find out where it ends. Issue 67 opens with four pages of re-caps to the stories we read in Marvel Feature 6 and Conan the Barbarian 66. After the recaps, Sonja and Belit have exactly one panel of dialogue before Belit draws her sword and tries to kill her. Red Sonja called her a serving wench and that was all it took because, as Belit is fond of reminding us, she’s actually the daughter of the death-goddess Derketa (Belit believes this because Belit is crazy). The fight lasts for three panels before Belit concedes that Red Sonja is a better swordswoman and throws her sword aside. But she hasn’t conceded the fight, only changed weapons. Apparently, Belit (like all crazy girlfriends) carries a knife. At this point, Red Sonja probably realizes that Conan has enough problems with his delusional knife-wielding girlfriend, so she opts instead to grab the page, slice through the torch that lights the chamber, then flee under cover of darkness. Because Red Sonja only has crazy delusions of grandeur after watching her entire family murdered. For Belit, it’s a lifestyle.

The rest of the issue is Conan promising Belit that he’ll track down Sonja and the page, then getting sidetracked when he discovers an old friend has been imprisoned for murdering one of the town guard (which he’s done so many times, you’d think he’d be surprised to find that some people actually get arrested for it). After killing a half-man/half-tiger (honestly, no one’s even surprised by this sort of thing any more), he frees his friend and discovers that he was locked in the cell next to the man who originally stole the page (small world, Roy Thomas, awfully small world). He meets back up with Belit and they take in this new bit of information just as Red Sonja races past them on horseback. We’re told that the story will be continued in Marvel Feature 7.

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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 6

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 6

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marvel-feature-6-coverSo this issue touches on a pretty sensitive topic for me: book vandalism. Working in libraries, on and off, for most of my adult life, I’ve had to deal with this problem over and over. Some people just swipe whatever reference page they want, rather than using a photocopier. After all, why pay a dime for your own copy when you can steal the information from generations to come for free? Some people just don’t like the fact that certain information is freely available to the public and take it upon themselves to censor library materials. For instance, every single copy of Our Bodies, Ourselves had pages ripped out (and if you guessed they were in the chapter on women’s sexuality, you understand the mind of a censor). Some people just want to write down a phone number or a grocery list and rip out the page of a book that they don’t see any value in. Honestly, write it on the back of a receipt.

Anyway … Red Sonja spends the first four pages of Marvel Feature 6 beheading a pair of jackal-men, which is not much different than any other typical afternoon for her. But when she runs across Karanthes, a priest of Ibis, he explains that those weren’t just two run-of-the-mill half-man/half-jackal bandits, but special agents sent by a priest of Set to kill Sonja before she could meet Karanthes. It seems that Set and Ibis are two gods locked in an endless struggle with one another (Edith Hamilton says different, but that’s neither here nor there) and the priests essentially carry out their struggle on the earthly plane. Karanthes wants to hire Red Sonja to retrieve a document that he believes will help tip the struggle in his god’s favor.

So our mystic doodad of the month is a page torn from the Book of Skelos. We’re told that the Book of Skelos “contains the most fearsome magic-lore on Earth,” although frankly that gets said about a lot of books (including Our Bodies, Ourselves, apparently). While the book is closely guarded, apparently someone managed to tear out one of its pages and make off with it. Now, we never find out what’s on this page, if it contains a spell or a table of contents or just a dedication. (“To my wife, Sheb Niggurath, my most ruthless critic, my most tireless supporter, my everything. I love you, forever.”) And Red Sonja doesn’t really care either, as long as she gets paid.

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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 5

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 5

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marvel-feature-5-coverI just realized something curious about Red Sonja. I mean, besides the chain mail bikini and vow never to (kiss/have sex with/love) a man who hasn’t defeated her in battle. After a dozen issues, I’ve never seen this woman get paid for anything. All the demons and wizards and brigands she takes down, yet no one’s ever paid her a shekel for her services. Honestly, why keep doing it if no one pays her?

Maybe she thinks if she kills enough evil wizards for free, word of mouth will spread and someone will offer her a paying gig as wizard-slayer. Maybe she’s working as an unpaid intern to gain experience in wizard-killing before pursuing a career in that field. Maybe she’s working for store credit, getting discounts on her weapons and bikinis in exchange for showcasing a metalsmith’s product line.

Of course, word of mouth, internships, and store credit are stupid reasons for unpaid labor; but it’s fantasy, so let’s run with it. After all, she’s a gorgeous redhead in a chain mail bikini. How else is she going to make a living? So when she sees a sign offering 1,000 gold pieces for slaying a forest beast, she’s in.

She finds herself accompanied by Tusan, a fellow bounty hunter who’s far more interested in “getting to know her” than slaying an evil bear god (seriously, it’s a giant bear). But he’s got money, so Sonja allows him to take her to a tavern for a few drinks.

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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 4

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 4

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marvel-feature-4-coverBefore the story, let’s just look over that cover. It’s a parody of a couple famous Frank Frazetta paintings of Conan, down to the swooning male clutching at her leg. Axe raised defiantly in the air, she cries, “Whatever the battleground, whatever the foe, I shall never falter. So swears Red Sonja!” And the eye naturally focuses on the pile of corpses at her feet, almost missing the outline of this issue’s foe in the background. A defiant pose, a pile of corpses, a looming supernatural threat that consumes the entire background … this is what got kids to pluck down a quarter back in 1976. And the chain mail bikini didn’t hurt.

This issue starts, as so many Red Sonja stories do, with the Hyrkanian swordswoman trying to get a drink. She rides into a village that’s seemingly abandoned, save for the statues seated in the tavern. Of course, the townspeople are merely hiding from a gorgon (except for the ones who’ve been turned into statues already) and once they determine that Sonja is responsible for their troubles (based on the fact that she’s a stranger, apparently), they quickly vote to hang her. (This isn’t the last time Red Sonja is sentenced to hanging, for those who want to keep score.)

By the time the villagers realize their mistake, Sonja’s been rescued by the village idiot, who steals a horse for her and sends her on her way. Of course, it says something about Sonja when she decides to head back to the village to investigate and even the village idiot tells her that’s a bad idea.

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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 3

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 3

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marvel-feature-3-coverThis issue begins with Sonja being chased by a militia. Apparently, robbing men on the highways is illegal even if the men you rob are other highway robbers. I’m curious who reported her, but that’s neither here nor there. By the second page, she has to make a Dukes of Hazzard-style jump over a ravine and on the third page, doesn’t make it. As Sonja and her horse fall into the chasm, her last words are, “Conan … I never … let you …” before she breaks her neck on the rocks below. The militia mutter something about it all being a terrible waste before riding off.

At this point, we learn that the fall into a chasm was simply an illusion cast by the sorceress Neja, an illusion so powerful that even Sonja thought for a moment that she’d died (which means that her horse must be freaking out). Once they’re safe in Neja’s cave (or as safe as one can be in a witch’s lair), she explains the history of the key (stolen from a brigand last issue) and what it opens. Apparently, Neja’s great-grandfather created a giant metal idol in the shape of a dead king and animated by the demon Belak. The key fits into a slot in the giant’s back and is the only way to turn it on or off.

One drugged drink later, Sonja is chained to a cave wall as Neja winds up the big green robot and orders it to slay her. Tricking it into smashing the chains that bind her, Sonja spends several pages dodging the construct, killing the witch in the process, before finally turning the key again and removing it from Belak’s back.

It’s a nice wrap-up to last issue, although it’s hard to imagine Belak giving anyone the power to take over the world if it has such an obvious and easily exploited weakness as a key in its back. Frank Thorne’s artwork continues to shine. And we get another hint this time around that Red Sonja might think of Conan as “more than a friend.”

... get to ... second ... baaaaase ...
... get to ... second ... baaaaase ...

I believe this is the first time Red Sonja faces a genuinely overwhelming supernatural threat on her own. Until now, she’s faced either human foes or received help from Conan. She not only defeats the giant robot (twice), but also kills Neja, all without her weapons (which for some reason are included on the cover, even though chaining someone up without disarming them first doesn’t make a lot of sense).

(originally published March 1976, Marvel Comics) (reprinted January 2007 in Adventures of Red Sonja Volume 1, Dynamite Entertainment)

Next Week: Red Sonja and the Scooby Doo Mystery

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 2

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 2

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marvel-feature-2-coverBy this stage, Red Sonja has had several highly-regarded artists drawing her; but this is the first issue where we meet the artist most closely associated with the She-Devil: Frank Thorne. His art style takes the character into an almost psychedelic landscape. Check out the cozy inn she stops for a drink in and tell me that place isn’t haunted. Every tree looks like something pulled from The Wizard of Oz and the farm is something straight out of EC Comics.

And while Frank Thorne draws a bad acid-trip version of the Hyborian Age, his Red Sonja is a truly a hell-spawn, living up to the title “She-Devil with a Sword.” Check her out on the cover: that’s not a woman reveling in the thrill of battle. That’s a woman who’s pissed off at the Picts. I love the expression on the one in front, who’s obviously trying to get away from Red Sonja, wielding a sword and axe while riding her zombie horse. In the story itself, she wears a riding cloak that flaps behind her like the wings of a huge bat.

The story begins with Red Sonja robbing a brigand of his ill-gotten loot, not to return to the true owner, mind you, but to keep for herself. Among these items is a gold key inscribed with a prayer to Balek, this issue’s guest demon. One page later, the horse she stole from the brigand is stolen from her by a one-legged man named Dunkin, who’s pretty rude to her even after she decides not to kill him for stealing her horse and trying to behead her.

Dunkin has a bit of resentment towards women because he believes that having one leg prevents any woman from wanting him (maybe if he stopped calling them “wenches”). Apropos to nothing, he grabs Sonja and kisses her. This is something she wouldn’t even let Conan get away with; but she has been questioning her vow recently, so maybe she decided to let a man get just a little closer to her to see what happens.

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Vintage Treasures: Solomon Kane: The Hills of the Dead, by Robert E. Howard

Vintage Treasures: Solomon Kane: The Hills of the Dead, by Robert E. Howard

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solomon-kane-the-hills-of-the-deadWith all the recent discussion around these parts about Conan and Robert E. Howard, I figured the best use of my time this week would be to sit back and enjoy some genuine Robert E. Howard.

With output as vast as Howard’s, the biggest challenge was choosing what to read. One of my favorite Howard pieces is “Skulls in the Stars,” a genuinely creepy tale in which Solomon Kane investigates a moonlit moor trail haunted by a vindictive spirit, so I decided on Solomon Kane: The Hills of the Dead. It was the second Kane paperback published by Bantam Books (the first was Solomon Kane: Skulls in the Stars, in December, 1978). The striking cover is part of a fold-out poster by Bob Larkin.

In a world ruled by piracy, stalked by vampires, peopled by cities of the inhuman, he stood tall amid the terrors of the Dark Continent. Kane, a man of savage and unconquerable courage, strode deep into the jungles, forever slashing his diamond-edged rapier as evil guided the creatures of the night toward him. Wicked whispers of death touched him. Haunted horrors of the world beyond life reached for him. But Kane never halted his march, for he would never rest until the final, epic duel between light and dark was waged… and won.

Disappointingly, I discovered the contents are not pure Howard — in fact, two of the five stories within were completed by Ramsey Campbell, who also provides the introduction.

Introduction: The Mystery of Solomon Kane, by Ramsey Campbell
“The Hills of the Dead”
“Hawk of Basti” (completed by Ramsey Campbell)
“The Return of Sir Richard Grenville” (poem)
“Wings in the Night”
“The Footfalls Within”
“The Children of Asshur” (completed by Ramsey Campbell)
“Solomon Kane’s Homecoming” (poem)

Still, these’s lots here to enjoy. I’m especially pleased to see the poetry, and Campbell’s introduction, which as far as I know is unique to this volume.

Solomon Kane: The Hills of the Dead was published in paperback by Bantam Books in March, 1979. It is 141 pages, with a cover price of $1.95.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Signs on to Return as Conan in The Legend Of Conan

Arnold Schwarzenegger Signs on to Return as Conan in The Legend Of Conan

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schwarzenegger-conanWell, this is a day I never thought I’d see.

Deadline is reporting that ex-Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, has signed on to appear in a fourth Conan film, set for release Summer 2014 from Universal Pictures. It will be produced by Fredrik Malmberg, CEO of Paradox Entertainment (which controls the Conan property), and writer and producer Chris Morgan (The Fast And The Furious, Wanted). Morgan is credited with the screen story and may write the script; Deadline describes this as a “dream project” for the producer.

Schwarzenegger released this comment to the press yesterday:

I always loved the Conan character and I’m honored to be asked to step into the role once again. I can’t wait to work with Universal and the great team of Fredrik Malmberg and Chris Morgan to develop the next step of this truly epic story.

Schwarzenegger appeared in Conan the Barbarian (1982) and the truly terrible Conan the Destroyer (1984). Games of Thrones star Jason Momoa took a turn as Robert E. Howard’s barbarian in last year’s Conan the Barbarian, one of the biggest bombs of the year.

Few details about the new version have been released, but one imagines the 65-year old Schwarzenegger will approach this one a little differently.

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Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 1

Marvel Feature: Red Sonja 1

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marvel-feature-1-coverThere were a few bumps in the road to Red Sonja’s enduring success as a character/franchise. One of them is the rushed work on Marvel Feature 1, which was meant to be an audience test title. The rationale was that Sonja would appear in several issues of Marvel Feature and, if sales were good enough, would be awarded her own title.

But this really doesn’t read like an audition. It reads more like a fill-in issue. First of all, the story is only eight pages long. Red Sonja finds an ancient temple, mercy-kills a priest who’s been tortured, fights a pack of unarmed satyrs, and gets in one sword-fight. The artwork by Dick Giordano is good, but it’s not Barry Windsor-Smith or John Buscema (the two artists most strongly associated with the She-Devil up to this point). There’s none of the banter that she enjoyed with Conan and no hints of the character’s tragedy. The rest of the issue is a one-page text by Roy Thomas explaining the character’s background and a reprint of the story from Savage Sword of Conan 1 (now in color) where she killed a sultan after he forced her to take a bath.

Honestly, you don’t even get any of the monsters you see on the cover. No demons. No snakes. No skeletons in robes. And it’s a great cover, with Sonja in her trademark bikini, sword in one hand, dagger in the other. She’s even kicking a snake while  slashing at the “hordes of Hell.” It’s only sleazed up a little with the cheesecake pose in the corner label (which gets changed on issue 2).

In short, it’s a decent story, but nothing that would show readers unfamiliar with the character why Red Sonja is more than just a female Conan.

(originally published November 1975, Marvel Comics) (reprinted January 2007 in Adventures of Red Sonja Volume 1, Dynamite Entertainment)

And no bagpipes at my funeral.
And no bagpipes at my funeral.

Next Week: It Gets Better

In Defense of Red Sonja: The Vow

In Defense of Red Sonja: The Vow

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red-sonja-pinupThough interest in a modestly-dressed Red Sonja was strong in 1973, it skyrocketed in 1974 with the debut of her famous chain mail bikini in Savage Sword of Conan 1. Sonja returned in her trademark outfit later that year in Conan the Barbarian, issues 43 and 44. Titled “Tower of Blood” and “Of Flame and the Fiend!” respectively, the two-part story finds Conan and Sonja on the run from bounty hunters, sent by the sons of the king Sonja killed two stories earlier. They escape from the bounty hunters, only to find themselves trapped in a mist-enshrouded tower haunted by vampires. By this stage, I don’t understand why this sort of thing would even surprise Conan.

Beyond the predictable motivations of the brother and sister vampires (the brother vampire lusts after Sonja, while the sister vampire lusts after Conan, and the story ends with two dead vampires), we also get further glimpses into Red Sonja’s character. When Conan suggests that her lifestyle is not a woman’s way, her response is, “You’d have me marry, I suppose, raise brats instead of hell.” (That quote should be on a t-shirt.) Further, when the vampire woman attempts to seduce Conan, he asks Sonja if she’s jealous. Her response is neither a passionate denial nor an admission: “There is no place for such womanish things in my life! Sometimes, I almost want there to be, but there is not and there never will be.” Again, her vow is something she will staunchly uphold, but it seems to be one she regrets. Which begs the question of to whom she made the vow, if not to herself.

Further, we see Sonja several times bristle over the Cimmerian helping her. She hates being in anyone’s debt. She’s not above manipulating others into helping her, but aid freely and knowingly given unnerves her. Of course, after rescuing her from bounty hunters and vampires this issue, the debt between them appears to be fairly even (if one counts the times she rescued Conan in earlier adventures). So it’s understandable that the story ends not with a friendly handshake or even a chaste kiss, but with Sonja bashing Conan on the back of the head with a rock, knocking him out so she can make her escape and not risk falling into his debt.

After that two-parter, the four Red Sonja stories published in 1975 were all solo tales. Apparently, the character had finally become popular enough to not need the additional presence of Conan. The first of these stories, “Episode,” (originally published as a back-up story in Conan the Barbarian 48) is a fairly light piece where she is attacked by a giant spider, then a wizard determined to sacrifice her to demons. The second story, “She-Devil with a Sword,” (originally in Kull and the Barbarians 2) is a strange re-interpretation of Little Red Riding Hood, albeit with more tragedy.

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