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Ten Things I Think I Think: January 2025

Ten Things I Think I Think: January 2025

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It’s been a whole month since I randomly shared my opinions on things I think. How in the world have you made it through the start of this new year, without that????

So, I think that:

1) THE LORD OF A SHATTERED LAND IS TERRIFIC

If you follow me on Facebook – or even read my column here every Monday – you know I’ve been talking about my Black Gate buddy Howard Andrew Jones, who passed away earlier this month. Click on over to see what I had to say last week about a really great guy.

I had not yet read Howard’s most recent trilogy, the Chronicles of Hanuvar. Howard’s Arabian fantasy mystery short stories featuring Dabir and Asim have been my favorites of his work (even more so than the two novels featuring the duo).

But man – this first book in the trilogy is his best work. Incorporating several short stories previously published, it’s very episodic in nature, which I liked. They’re linked together, making up Hanuvar’s ongoing quest, and the format keeps things moving. There’s no padding here.

While I have sword of sorcery from folks like Robert E. Howard and Fritz Lieber on my shelves, I’m more an epic fantasy fan, ala J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Brooks, David Eddings, and Robert Jordan. I feel like Howard’s trilogy is epic sword and sorcery – a hybrid of the two which would also include Glen Cook’s The Black Company. It contains the individual adventuring aspect of sword and sorcery (stakes are more focused on the hero, not nations or empires), with the epic story scope of high fantasy. Howard’s trilogy is Epic Sword and Sorcery.

I finished Lord of a Shattered Land, put it on the shelf, and immediately sat down and began The City of Marble and Blood. And boy, does something big happen by page twenty-five!! The latter two books are in traditional novel form. So be it – I’m in.

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What a Croc, Part I

What a Croc, Part I

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Dark Age (Embassy Home Entertainment, July 10, 1987)

My next watch-a-thon is a favorite genre: crocs and gators. Unfortunately, this means the pickings are a bit slim, as I’ve already seen most of them, but I’ve managed to dig up 15 so far (supplemented with a Gila Monster and a couple of Komodos), and I’m sure the intended list of 20 will materialize as streaming services start suggesting titles.

Dark Age (1987) YouTube

Croc or gator? A 25ft saltwater crocodile.

Real or faker? A lovely, animatronic behemoth.

Any good? A thoroughly decent offering from the Ozploitation market, Dark Age is far from a mindless bloodbath sprinkled with spring breakers, and instead does what most Australian horror does: provide thrills alongside a biting social commentary. The croc in question is Numunwari, considered a God by the local Aboriginal population, but the extremely unpleasant white folks just see it as a trophy for their walls. Doubly so after it kills several people (including a rather unsettling attack on a young child).

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Goth Chick News: The Hairy Problem of Werewolf Movies

Goth Chick News: The Hairy Problem of Werewolf Movies

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Wolf Man (Universal Pictures, January 17, 2025)

Why oh why can’t Hollywood produce a decent werewolf movie?

I’ve had my heart broken twice in the past few months, first by The Beast Within (2024) and most recently by Wolf Man (2025).

I first told you about The Beast Within starring Kit Harington, back in August. In summary, it was lousy. Though the trailer implied a suspenseful, cohesive tale, Beast was a rambling affair that didn’t seem to know what it wanted to be. As for an actual werewolf transformation, it was implied but never really materialized. Instead, director Alexander J. Farrell tried to distract us from this fact with a knee-jerking series of events that barely held together as a story. Even putting Harington half-naked in a dog collar wasn’t enough to make me forgive this mess.

So, if you tell me I should have known better when, with renewed hope, I ran off to the theater last weekend to see Wolf Man, I wouldn’t argue.

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In Dreams: David Lynch: 1946 — 2025

In Dreams: David Lynch: 1946 — 2025

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David Lynch is gone; he died Wednesday at the age of  seventy-eight, bringing one of the strangest careers in American film to an end and leaving the rest of us to try to reach a conclusion as to what it all meant.

He never made a western. He never made a romcom or a workplace comedy. He never made a “prestige” period picture. He never made a buddy movie or an action movie or a heist movie or a (straightforward) crime movie. Not for him was getting hold of a franchise and riding it until it died of thirst in the desert; he wasn’t interested in making Mission Impossible 6 and 7/8. The only things he made were David Lynch movies (as the producers of Dune found to their dismay), and those were about as far out of the mainstream of American cinematic entertainment as it is possible to get and still be permitted within the city limits of Hollywood.

I resist calling him an “experimental filmmaker” — though there is a grain of truth in the description (in the effect of his work more than in its intent) — because I don’t think he was experimenting at all; I think he had a cement-solid vision of what film was and what it could do, and he knew precisely what he was up to every single minute.

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Prehistrionics, Part III

Prehistrionics, Part III

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The Jurassic Dead (Wild Eye Releasing, 2017)

We’re off on another adventure filled to the brim with disappointment. 20 films I’ve never seen before, all free to stream, all dinosaur-based.

Oh God.

The Jurassic Dead (2017) Tubi

Just how bad is the CG? Rubbish.

Sexy scientist? Nope.

Mumbo jumbo? Reanimation, dinosaurs, zombies, asteroids.

Just in case you thought I might try to start the year on a high note, might I present this tripe. The premise is simple: a Herbert West type (complete with glowing green reanimating fluid and dead cat) loses his job and decides to destroy the world. Somehow he has a T-Rex, which he zombifies, and then he turns into Immortan Joe and sets off an EMP just as asteroids wipe out some cities. A crack, sorry crap, team of commandos based on 80s action figures must team up with a group of hugely unlikeable civilians to survive.

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The Dreams in Gary’s Basement: Gary Gygax and the Creation of Dungeons & Dragons

The Dreams in Gary’s Basement: Gary Gygax and the Creation of Dungeons & Dragons

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The Dreams in Gary’s Basement, Blu Ray version (rpghistory.net, 2023)

On the eve of Gary’s Gygax’s birthday, July 26, 2019, I was in sunny California getting ready to be interviewed by the Dorks of Yore for their documentary, The Dreams in Gary’s Basement: Gary Gygax and the Creation of Dungeons & Dragons.

The interview touched on my experiences working with Gary from 2005–2008, a time that I will always cherish. Gary was so generous with me — a friend and a mentor who not only showed me the ropes, but also put trust in me. It was such an honor and a privilege to get to work with one of my childhood idols.

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Prehistrionics, Part II

Prehistrionics, Part II

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Planet Raptor (Syfy/Apollo Media, 2007)

We’re off on another adventure filled to the brim with disappointment. 20 films I’ve never seen before, all free to stream, all dinosaur-based.

Oh god.

Planet Raptor (2007) Tubi

Just how bad is the CG? Horrendous.

Sexy scientist? Yep.

Mumbo jumbo? Alien termite Ren fair raptors.

I got tricked by seeing a couple of names I recognized (Steven Bauer, Ted Raimi, Vanessa Angel) and ended up hate-watching this exercise in dull stupidity. A sequel to the possibly worse Raptor Island, this one pits a platoon of inept space marines against a medieval planet full of dinosaurs, lovingly rendered using PS2 graphics.

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The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Death (of a Detective) in Paradise

The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes: Death (of a Detective) in Paradise

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And we kick off 2025 with the return of the column that earned me regular gig here at Black Gate. I’m ostensibly the in-house mystery guy around here, though I’m way beyond all over the place. Death in Paradise is a police procedural (it is not, however, a buddy cop show) with a fair amount of humor, and it debuted on BBC1 on October 25, 2011. The show started airing a Christmas special a few years ago, and episode number 109 just aired on December 22, 2024.

The basic premise is that Scotland Yard assigns a DCI (Detective Chief Inspector) to duty on the island of Saint Marie (pronounced ‘San Marie’), located in the Lesser Antilles. Saint Marie was turned over to the British by the French roughly forty years before the show starts. So, it still has a French-Caribbean culture.

There is a four-person police unit, with the DCI (Richard Poole) joined by a local Detective Sergeant (Camille), and two local uniform ‘beat cops’ (Dwayne, and Fidel). There are two other regulars: the female owner of a local bar (Catherine, who is Camille’s mother), and the Police Superintendent (Patterson). Five of the six main characters are island natives, so this is a classic fish-out-of-water scenario.

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Prehistrionics, Part I

Prehistrionics, Part I

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Hatched (Uncorked, 2021)

We’re off on another adventure filled to the brim with disappointment. 20 films I’ve never seen before, all free to stream, all dinosaur-based.

Oh God.

Hatched (2021) Prime

Just how bad is the CG? Almost okay except when interacting with lunch.

Sexy scientist? Yep.

Mumbo jumbo? Cloning, reanimation, gene foolery.

There are a couple of production company names that, if they pop up at the beginning, let me know what to expect. Uncorked is one of them. Imagine my surprise then, when this film turned out to be competently shot and, for the most part, decently acted.

Filmed on one stately location in the UK, it’s basically a hide and seek story with CG dinosaurs. Despite the (you would imagine) adrenaline-laced plot, it’s all very pedestrian, nobody seems overly concerned, and I counted four, count ‘em, four very slow head turns in reaction to growling, just before snacking.

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T.H. White’s Legacy on Contemporary Television

T.H. White’s Legacy on Contemporary Television

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Ted Lasso (Warner Bros. Television/Apple TV+, 2020-2023)

I recently re-watched Ted Lasso, and as I took in the final episode, I was reminded quite forcibly of The Queen’s Gambit. The question was, why? I quickly cued up The Queen’s Gambit, and sure enough, my memory held true: both shows employ what I like to call — what I am going to call, starting here, with this essay –– the T.H. White Stratagem.

If I may explain. The T.H. White Stratagem (a clear misnomer, since to my knowledge he deployed it only once) stems from the climax of The Sword in the Stone, book one of The Once and Future King. If you haven’t read this wonderful masterwork, please skip the remainder of this essay, and come back later. For those that have read TOFK, recall that in London, at the great tournament, (Sir) Kay dispatches the Wart to run back and get his sword, which Kay has foolishly left back at the hostel.

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