Black Gate

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again.

Deathstalker (1983) – USA/Argentina

Inspired by a recent foray into the Conan the Cimmerian Barbarian: The Complete Weird Tales Omnibus, I suddenly had a hankering for more of the same, and so here we are.

Never one to miss an opportunity to cash in on a zeitgeist, Roger Corman saw the response to the the previous year’s Schwarzenegger grunt-a-thon and fast tracked this hokey slice of sword and sorcery, roping in sometime collaborator James Sbardellati to direct Howard R. Cohen’s cut and paste script.

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Hold onto your butts — my new watch-a-thon continues! You can find Part 1 here.

Who likes alien abduction flicks? I’ll soon fix that.

No One Will Save You (2023)

Kicking off the second half of this truncated list with the best invader film by far, 2023’s No One Will Save You, which had a somewhat muted limited theatrical release and subsequently can be found on Disney+/Hulu, but should not be overlooked.

Brynn (played brilliantly by Kaitlin Dever) is a young woman coming to terms with the death of her best friend and her mother. Her friend’s death is partly her fault, and for this reason she has been ostracized by the nearby town and is now living a solitary life in an expansive inherited farmhouse. Her grief is rudely interrupted by a home intruder, who only turns out to be a flippin’ alien.

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Hold onto your butts — a new watch-a-thon starts today!

Who likes alien abduction flicks? I’ll soon fix that.

The McPherson Tape — 1989 – Tubi

The youngest of a trio of brothers has acquired a new video camera, and makes his directorial debut at a birthday party for his young niece in a remote Montana farmhouse. As the family jovially bickers and gets ready for cake, the lights suddenly go out, and the three men head out to the woodshed to check out the fuse box. Outside they witness a red light in the sky and, following its trajectory, stumble upon what looks like a landed spacecraft complete with little aliens mooching around. They rush back to the farm, arm themselves, and settle in for an evening of glimpsed faces at windows, strange noises, and family breakdowns.

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So here we are, the final wild bunch of my favorite films; films that I have returned to time and time again purely for their entertainment value and healing properties. I’m sure most of the thirty films on my list are favorites for you too, but I hope there are at least one or two titles spread upon this charcuterie board of nostalgia and cheese that you haven’t seen, and might have piqued your interest enough to seek them out. Thank you for your comments thus far — I have really enjoyed the mixture of enlightenment and fury in your replies. Onwards and upwards!

The Thing (1982)

Who’s in it?

Kurt Russell, Keith David, Donald Moffat, Richard Dysart

What’s it about?

A group of American researchers in a remote Antarctica facility find themselves on the edge of paranoia and despair after an alien shapeshifting parasite infects their group. The men must struggle to stay human, all the while trying to ascertain who among them has been infected by the thing.

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Four horror films and a western.

Sounds like a great night in.

Mackenna’s Gold (1969)

Who’s in it?

Gregory Peck, Omar Sharif, Telly Savalas, Julie Newmar

What’s it about?

Marshal MacKenna (Peck) chances upon a map to a legendary treasure, and burns it after committing it to memory. A motley collection of outlaws, Apaches, traitors, and nefarious ne’er-do-wells coerce MacKenna into leading them to the hidden valley where the riches are rumoured to be, but infighting, jealousy, and greed soon thins out the gang. Will MacKenna make it out alive?

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As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I’d be very interested to find out if any of my favorites align with any of your own – please let me know in the comments below!

Without further ado, in no particular order, and no ratings (because they are all 10s), let’s get cracking!

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Who’s in it?

Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, John Rhys-Davies, Paul Freeman

What’s it about?

A professor of archaeology has a side hustle stealing cultural artifacts under the pretense that they belong in a museum, but redeems himself by punching a lot of Nazis.

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Following the excellent Starship Troopers feedback last week, here’s a selection that might be a little less controversial.

Kidding.

The Party (1968)

Who’s in it?

Peter Sellers, Claudine Longet, Steve Franken, Denny Miller

What’s it about?

Hrundi V. Bakshi (Sellers) is an up and coming Indian actor who dreams of the big time. Unfortunately, being prone to mishaps leads to him blowing up a very expensive film set, and he is fired on the spot. Due to a clerical error though, he ends up on the guest list to a party being thrown by the film’s producer, and he attends in the hope that he can apologize in person. Through no fault of his own, Bakshi stumbles through one surreal incident after another, ultimately leading to the partial destruction of a Hollywood mansion, and a blossoming romance with a young French starlet.

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I’ve had a little think about my favorite films, and what makes them my favorites. As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I’d be very interested to find out if any of my favorites align with any of your own – please let me know in the comments below!

Read Part 1 here. Without further ado, in no particular order, and no ratings (because they are all 10s), let’s get cracking!

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Here’s a New Year’s treat* to distract you from the fact that I haven’t completed a new themed watch-a-thon (it’s coming, eventually).

I’ve had a little think about my favorite films, and what makes them my favorites. As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I should be ashamed to admit that there really aren’t many ‘sensible’ films on this list — in the sense that critical classics such as Citizen Kane, Belle de Jour, Black Narcissus, The Seventh Seal, or White Chicks don’t show up — however, the films that make me truly happy are the jolly romps, flights of fancy, or nostalgia-triggers.

I can appreciate, even love, a serious drama, but I won’t return to it time and time again.

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Read Part 1 here.

#6 – The Force Awakens (2015)

A great way to kickstart the franchise after a dozen years, even if it is a retread of A New Hope. There’s a lot to love in this film; I think it features some of Williams’ best work with recurring leitmotifs that instantly feel like they’ve been part of the entire saga, I love the new principal characters, the action set-pieces are thrilling and tick all my visual/sound design boxes, I really like all the Jakku scenes, especially Rey’s introduction, I can’t get enough of the X-wing attack outside Maz Kanata’s castle — the single tracking shot of Poe Dameron handing the New Order their arses in the air sends shivers up my spine, the respect shown to the Falcon, despite an ugly radar dish, and the unsubtle nostalgia threads woven throughout.

There’s not much on show that I don’t enjoy in this one; perhaps the superfluous scene with the betentacled beasties onboard Han’s hideous new ship, or the petulant Ren stuff, but I mostly get on fine with it all. One personal sticking point for me though is the inclusion of Simon Pegg as Unkar Plutt (he of the measly muffin portions). I used to be a huge fan of his, firstly in Spaced, and then in Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy, but his ongoing vocal hatred for the prequels and the ‘death’ of Star Wars used to get on my nerves.

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