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Category: Movies and TV

Uh-oh: The Bride!

Uh-oh: The Bride!

Sue Granquist, Black Gate’s own incomparable Goth Chick, died not quite seven months ago, and the hole she left here is impossible to fill. I don’t know about you, but my Thursdays just haven’t been the same.

Sue’s beat was horror in all of its manifestations (well, maybe not all of them — I never remember her saying anything about politics), and she was especially keen on horror movies and television shows. Next to her husband Terry, the genre was the great love of her life.

Sue was always up to date; the avant-garde held no surprises for her, but she was really passionate about the good old stuff. Karloff and Lugosi, Jekyll and Hyde, the Mummy and the Wolfman, all those late-night or Saturday afternoon, black and white television terrors that begin with the little airplane circling the Universal globe — those classics put her in her happy place, if a fog-shrouded moor or cobwebbed crypt are places that foster happiness. For Sue, they were.

The Goth Chick was especially attentive to any new versions of those old stories and characters; any new Mummy or Dracula or Wolfman movie drew her instant attention, and her attitude was always a finely-balanced blend of hope and skepticism, at once generous and jaded. She was prepared to like anything if it was good, but she always had a torch and pitchfork at hand to storm the castle of the shoddy or slapdash.

Which brings us to the most recent “updating” or “reimagining” of one of the Universal Studios classics, The Bride!, writer-director Maggie Gyllenhaall’s take on the 1935 Boris Karloff-Elsa Lanchester Bride of Frankenstein.

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A (Black) Gat in the Hand: Marvel Goes Noir. And NAILS It!!!

A (Black) Gat in the Hand: Marvel Goes Noir. And NAILS It!!!

“You’re the second guy I’ve met within hours who seems to think a gat in the hand means a world by the tail.”
– Raymond Chandler

Spider-Noir is the best thing to happen to Marvel streaming since…well, Daredevil: Born Again. So yeah, not that long ago. I’ve only watched the first three – of eight – episodes so far. Because this is too good to binge. It should be savored. It may not be everybody’s cup of tea, but I LOVE that it’s an homage to hardboiled Pulp and Noir. Which you might know I blog about once in awhile…

No spoilers here (if I can help it). I just wanna talk about the Noir vibe a bit. I’ll do a full blown post after I watch it all (and when some spoilers will be okay). These folks absolutely know their source material. And I’m talking about Pulp, not Marvel.

A little Spider-Man Noir history first. The character appeared in a short comic book run in 2009, which I had certainly never heard of. But I’m not a comic book guy.

Then, back in 2018, the first of the animated Spider-Verse movies came out, with Miles Morales as the main Spider-Man. In the same scene with Spider-Ham (he still cracks me up), Peter and Miles meet a Nicholas Cage-voiced Spider-Man Noir. He has a few scenes after that.

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Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part Three

Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part Three

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (Troma Entertainment, 1990)

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again. Enjoy Parts One and Two here and here.

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell (1990) – USA

I can’t help thinking that this one must have disappointed many a randy teenager when they smuggled it out of the video store, only to learn that ‘nymphoid’ doesn’t mean the same as ‘nymphomaniac,’ and were instead subjected to a good hour of aimless wandering before even a glimpse of prehistoric knockers was on the cards.

This is another quick buck-maker from the Troma crew, who surely saw a return on their meagre investment thanks to the aforementioned teen suckers, but it really doesn’t feel like a Troma flick. There’s no sign of the inventive weirdness or inappropriate humour to be found in the usual Kaufman joint; it’s all replaced by a dull story in which the last woman on Earth after the apocalypse, (Linda Corwin) has to contend with wandering gangs of bestial chads, while trying to avoid larger critters in the form of daft-looking dinosaurs.

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Thundarr the Barbarian: Demon Dogs and Lords of Light

Thundarr the Barbarian: Demon Dogs and Lords of Light

Thundarr the Barbarian (Ruby-Spears Productions/ABC, October 4, 1980 – October 31, 1981)

Thundarr the Barbarian (21 episodes; 1980-81)

Created by Steve Gerber (Howard the Duck; The Defenders).

The look of the main characters was designed by Alex Toth. After he was unavailable to continue working on the series, Jack “King” Kirby was brought in, at the recommendation of Gerber and Mark Evanier (who would later write a biography of Kirby). Kirby designed the look of most of the villains and supporting characters.

What is it?

What is it?? Lords of Light, it’s awesome, is what it is!

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Mortal Kombat II – A Movie Review

Mortal Kombat II – A Movie Review

Good afterevenmorn, Readers!

This past Saturday, I headed out with a few of my martial arts students, past and present, to watch the second installment of the recent Mortal Kombat adaptations. I’m not going to lie, the draw for me was the involvement of Karl Urban as Johnny Cage. Cage was never a character I played, but the retired action movie star is a fun idea for this franchise, and I will generally support anything Karl Urban does. Even when it’s bad, he’s great in it. And sometimes when it’s bad, it’s good. Ask me about my love of the 2005 film Doom one day. I never said I had great taste.

The point is, I went and saw the movie, and the short review is, I loved it (see afore mentioned note about my tastes). Let’s dive in!

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Ten Things: Tubi TV Edition

Ten Things: Tubi TV Edition

So, last week, I talked about ten movies that you can stream for free over on Tubi. I could easily list ten or twenty more. There’s a lot of good stuff there.

I’m also watching TV shows on Tubi. Of course, a multiple season show takes a lot longer to work through, than a single movie. It’s got some cool animated shows, like Pinky and the Brain, The Looney Tunes Show, and The Pirates of Darkwater. I’ll probably do a post like this on just cartoons.

But today we’ll talk about live-action shows. Now, PlutoTV is terrific for TV shows. Entire channels dedicated to Star Trek shows, mysteries, Westerns, etc.. And I’m leaning into RokuTV (also free). But let’s look at ten shows you can catch on Tubi. Some of the biggest hits are there, but I’ll try to focus on some others.

A reminder: I talked here about how I was finally fed up with all the streaming apps I needed to watch stuff. So, except for Prime (the family orders a lot of stuff from Amazon), I cut the chord on all of them. I’m missing Daredevil, and didn’t watch a single Pittsburgh Penguins playoff game (I did listen to all of them). But it’s going fine.

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Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part Two

Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part Two

Gor (The Cannon Group, May 9, 1987)

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again. Enjoy Part One here.

Gor (1987) – USA/Italy

Another nail in the Cannon coffin lid, this effort to start a franchise based on the uncomfortable series of novels by John Norman spawned one sequel, and then went belly up before things could get worse.

It follows the same basic plot of the books; dull physics prof Tarl Cabot (Urbano Barbarini — dull as a dish cloth) owns a family heirloom macguffin that transports him to the barbaric planet of Gor, where he must right some wrongs and show the locals that human is best — so far, so very Barsoomy.

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Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood: Robin Hood Begins, Kingdom of Heaven Ends

Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood: Robin Hood Begins, Kingdom of Heaven Ends

Robin Hood (Universal Pictures, 2010)

Robin Hood (Unrated Director’s Cut) (156 minutes; 2010)

Written by Brian Helgeland. Directed by Ridley Scott.

What is it?

What it is, is a criminally underrated film.

Maybe it would’ve been more successful if they had titled it Robin Hood Begins.

Another option, though it probably wouldn’t have helped at the box office, is Kingdom of Heaven II.

Because it is both of those things, and more.

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Ten Things: Tubi Movies Edition

Ten Things: Tubi Movies Edition

It’s been over a month since I shared a Ten Things? Heavens to Murgatroyd (any Snagglepuss fans out there?).

I talked here about how fed I up I was with all the streaming apps which I needed to watch different things. Including sports. So, except for Prime (the family orders a lot of stuff from Amazon), I cut the cord on all of them. I’m missing Daredevil, and didn’t watch a single Pittsburgh Penguins playoff game (I did listen to all of them). But it’s going fine.

PlutoTV, and RokuTV, have lots of shows and movies for free. But Tubi (also free) has really been filling the gap. Last week I wrote about the Coen Brothers’ classic, The Hudsucker Proxy. That was a Tubi viewing. I just watched the 1988 Blake Edwards Western, Sunset. Bruce Willis is cowboy actor Tom Mix, and James Garner is Wyatt Earp, in a Hollywood Western murder mystery. It was okay, but I’ll always watch Garner when I can. Tubi has TV shows too (that will be another post), including some fun cartoons, like Pinky and the Brain.

But here are ten movies you should check out for free on Tubi. Of course, there are well-known flicks like Rain Man, Legally Blonde, The Untouchables, The Graduate, Bull Durham, etc. But I wanted to talk about some that maybe you haven’t thought of in a while.

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Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part One

Fauxnan the Barbarian, Part One

Deathstalker (New World Pictures, September 2, 1983)

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again.

Deathstalker (1983) – USA/Argentina

Inspired by a recent foray into the Conan the Cimmerian Barbarian: The Complete Weird Tales Omnibus, I suddenly had a hankering for more of the same, and so here we are.

Never one to miss an opportunity to cash in on a zeitgeist, Roger Corman saw the response to the the previous year’s Schwarzenegger grunt-a-thon and fast tracked this hokey slice of sword and sorcery, roping in sometime collaborator James Sbardellati to direct Howard R. Cohen’s cut and paste script.

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