I’m working on a Douglas Adams post as part of an upcoming recurring feature on his non-fiction quotes.

But I got sidetracked reading Calvin and Hobbes this past weekend. Much of America is in a war against brutal weather. We got over 16 inches of snow in Central Ohio, and sub-zero wind chill has been a regular thing. Throughout the country, people are seeing snow for the first time in decades; and in huge amounts.

There are some terrific Winter strips for Calvin and Hobbes; that was definitely a more magical time when we were kids. As opposed to multiple sessions digging out the car; to go to work, now. Sigh…

Life through Calvin’s eyes is a treat to read after all these years. And even as adults, we can still find ourselves locked in family battles over the thermostat setting. Fox Trot, another favorite cartoon of mine, deals with that more than once. As a family with three kids, you can imagine it.

Here, Dad ends the debate with a valid parental option, as he often does. And Calvin gives up. I really enjoy these interchanges, which often involve grumpy old man ‘builds character’ lessons.

Calvin’s sledding outings with his buddy Hobbes, entertain: while often being disastrous. And his desire to hit Susie Derkins with a slushball burns deep in his soul. Though his desire for Christmas presents acts as an inadvertent conscience.

I already did a Calvin and Hobbes post, celebrating the hardboiled PI, Tracer Bullet. That series is in the Attack of the Deranged Mutant Killer Monster Snow Goons. And Snow Goons is one of the most popular Calvin and Hobbes series’ of them all. So, on a day where I am excited that the wind chill is a ‘pleasant’ 12, with sunshine, I’d write about the simpler, more fun side of winter.

Well, except, Calvin’s imagination and penchant for trouble turns it into a snow version of The Walking Dead…

(Note: Though I hate abridged books, I’m not covering all eighteen strips. We’ll skip some)

 

Kids playing out in the snow. A whole some activity, probably going back to cavemen. Of course, this is Calvin. He plays Dr. Frankenstein and brings a snowman to life, invoking the power of snow demons. And it immediately begins chasing him. We’re not surprised. This is the kind of thing that happens to Calvin.

 

Being a kid, Calvin runs home. Home is usually our safe space. And mom is there. For all his battle with his mother, moms can fix problems. Remember when he found the dying raccoon? He sprints home, telling Hobbes, “You don’t get to be mom if you can’t fix everything just right.”

But Mom is annoyed because there’s a snowman on the doorstep, looking through the window. Calvin screams in fear. “He knows where I live!”

 

There is only one strip where Hobbes is alive when someone else is in it. He’s just a stuffed tiger. He is only alive in Calvin’s imagination. Here, we see that it’s a perfectly normal looking snowman standing there. Not the menacing creature that chased Calvin.

Calvin sneaks out with Hobbes and they attack it with snowballs. They just stick to the monster, who then packs more snow onto himself. He’s getting bigger!

Then he adds a second head and a third arm. Calvin coins the term ‘deranged mutant killer monster snow goon.’ That has entered our lexicon. An awful lot of people across multiple age spans, recognize that term.

Because things always get worse for Calvin, the snow goon begins making more snow goons. As Calvin says, “I’ll be he’s making an army! In a few ays, he could hundreds of snow goons! If each of THEM built ANOTHER hundred, and then THOSE all built a hundred MORE, why…

That would be pretty cool, if they weren’t out to kill me.”

Hobbes is reading a road map and says “I vote we make tracks for Florida.

The snow goons aren’t moving at night. They’re apparently asleep. The duo decide to wait until mom and dad are asleep, and they’ll go outside and hose down the snow goons. They’ll freeze and not thaw until July. Calvin sprays extra water all around to be safe.

There was a shifting to heavy use of black, after it turned to night time. This was reminiscent of how he drew the Tracer Bullet stories. It’s very much a shift in tone and feel.

The history of the strip is replete with panels where you feel bad for his parents. Raising Calvin is no easy task. Dad puts clothes on over his pajamas, runs outside, yelling at the top of his lungs. And he goes flying because Calvin turned the whole yard into ice. We see Calvin running for his life, holding Hobbes, who is back in stuffed form. His dad is covered completely in snow and pissed. This is such a fun cartoon.

Calvin tried explaining he had to do it because the snow goons were going to get him. Her had to get them first. Late on a school night. They were unconvinced.

I think all of us can remember back to a time when we were scared to death of the trouble we were going to be in when whichever parent (it was my dad) talked to us about it, ‘later.’ Fifty-plus years later, I can relate to this last panel.

And finally, this enduring saga comes to an end. It reminds me of similarly drawn panels when Calvin goes off on how he’s not changing anything for his New Years resolutions. Other people can change. Not him.

“Snow goons are bad news” as the moral of the story, is all you need to know about Calvin. Though he summarizes his philosophy in the final panel of this series.

 

Look. Times are hard. Just about all of us are tired. We’re stressed. If we think to, we snatch at moments of peace, or relief. You know what I mean here. Calvin and Hobbes is a way to do that. I always feel better after reading it, or Fox Trot. It doesn’t fix anything. But I’m a little better than I was before I read it. Even if just for a few minutes.

I have most of the collections, and I enjoyed leafing through this one again. His winter shenanigans, usually involving Hobbes, are fun.

We hear ‘touch grass,’ ‘take a breath,’ whatever phrasing. Read Calvin and Hobbes for a few minutes. Get caught up in the magic spell of Bill Watterson. I don’t think anyone ever did it quite the way he did. And I say that as someone who read Peanuts as a kid.

And…He did one other story arc with Tracer Bullet. I think it’s time A (Black) Gat in the Hand revisited this tough little private eye, this Summer.

PRIOR CALVIN & HOBBES

Tracer Bullet Takes the Case

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Bob Byrne’s ‘A (Black) Gat in the Hand’ made its Black Gate debut in 2018 and has returned every summer since.

His ‘The Public Life of Sherlock Holmes’ column ran every Monday morning at Black Gate from March, 2014 through March, 2017. And he irregularly posts on Rex Stout’s gargantuan detective in ‘Nero Wolfe’s Brownstone.’ He is a member of the Praed Street Irregulars, and founded www.SolarPons.com (the only website dedicated to the ‘Sherlock Holmes of Praed Street’).

He organized Black Gate’s award-nominated ‘Discovering Robert E. Howard’ series, as well as the award-winning ‘Hither Came Conan’ series. Which is now part of THE Definitive guide to Conan. He also organized 2023’s ‘Talking Tolkien.’

He has contributed stories to The MX Book of New Sherlock Holmes Stories — Parts III, IV, V, VI, XXI, and XXXIII.

He has written introductions for Steeger Books, and appeared in several magazines, including Black Mask, Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine, The Strand Magazine, and Sherlock Magazine.

You can definitely ‘experience the Bobness’ at Jason Waltz’s ’24? in 42′ podcast.