Black Gate

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again. Enjoy Part One here.

Gor (1987) – USA/Italy

Another nail in the Cannon coffin lid, this effort to start a franchise based on the uncomfortable series of novels by John Norman spawned one sequel, and then went belly up before things could get worse.

It follows the same basic plot of the books; dull physics prof Tarl Cabot (Urbano Barbarini — dull as a dish cloth) owns a family heirloom macguffin that transports him to the barbaric planet of Gor, where he must right some wrongs and show the locals that human is best — so far, so very Barsoomy.

…

Read More Read More

A veritable cornucopia of dodgy barbarian and barbarian-adjacent movies that I have never watched before, and will probably never watch again.

Deathstalker (1983) – USA/Argentina

Inspired by a recent foray into the Conan the Cimmerian Barbarian: The Complete Weird Tales Omnibus, I suddenly had a hankering for more of the same, and so here we are.

Never one to miss an opportunity to cash in on a zeitgeist, Roger Corman saw the response to the the previous year’s Schwarzenegger grunt-a-thon and fast tracked this hokey slice of sword and sorcery, roping in sometime collaborator James Sbardellati to direct Howard R. Cohen’s cut and paste script.

…

Read More Read More

Hold onto your butts — my new watch-a-thon continues! You can find Part 1 here.

Who likes alien abduction flicks? I’ll soon fix that.

No One Will Save You (2023)

Kicking off the second half of this truncated list with the best invader film by far, 2023’s No One Will Save You, which had a somewhat muted limited theatrical release and subsequently can be found on Disney+/Hulu, but should not be overlooked.

Brynn (played brilliantly by Kaitlin Dever) is a young woman coming to terms with the death of her best friend and her mother. Her friend’s death is partly her fault, and for this reason she has been ostracized by the nearby town and is now living a solitary life in an expansive inherited farmhouse. Her grief is rudely interrupted by a home intruder, who only turns out to be a flippin’ alien.

…

Read More Read More

Hold onto your butts — a new watch-a-thon starts today!

Who likes alien abduction flicks? I’ll soon fix that.

The McPherson Tape — 1989 – Tubi

The youngest of a trio of brothers has acquired a new video camera, and makes his directorial debut at a birthday party for his young niece in a remote Montana farmhouse. As the family jovially bickers and gets ready for cake, the lights suddenly go out, and the three men head out to the woodshed to check out the fuse box. Outside they witness a red light in the sky and, following its trajectory, stumble upon what looks like a landed spacecraft complete with little aliens mooching around. They rush back to the farm, arm themselves, and settle in for an evening of glimpsed faces at windows, strange noises, and family breakdowns.

…

Read More Read More

So here we are, the final wild bunch of my favorite films; films that I have returned to time and time again purely for their entertainment value and healing properties. I’m sure most of the thirty films on my list are favorites for you too, but I hope there are at least one or two titles spread upon this charcuterie board of nostalgia and cheese that you haven’t seen, and might have piqued your interest enough to seek them out. Thank you for your comments thus far — I have really enjoyed the mixture of enlightenment and fury in your replies. Onwards and upwards!

The Thing (1982)

Who’s in it?

Kurt Russell, Keith David, Donald Moffat, Richard Dysart

What’s it about?

A group of American researchers in a remote Antarctica facility find themselves on the edge of paranoia and despair after an alien shapeshifting parasite infects their group. The men must struggle to stay human, all the while trying to ascertain who among them has been infected by the thing.

…

Read More Read More

Four horror films and a western.

Sounds like a great night in.

Mackenna’s Gold (1969)

Who’s in it?

Gregory Peck, Omar Sharif, Telly Savalas, Julie Newmar

What’s it about?

Marshal MacKenna (Peck) chances upon a map to a legendary treasure, and burns it after committing it to memory. A motley collection of outlaws, Apaches, traitors, and nefarious ne’er-do-wells coerce MacKenna into leading them to the hidden valley where the riches are rumoured to be, but infighting, jealousy, and greed soon thins out the gang. Will MacKenna make it out alive?

…

Read More Read More

As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I’d be very interested to find out if any of my favorites align with any of your own – please let me know in the comments below!

Without further ado, in no particular order, and no ratings (because they are all 10s), let’s get cracking!

Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

Who’s in it?

Harrison Ford, Karen Allen, John Rhys-Davies, Paul Freeman

What’s it about?

A professor of archaeology has a side hustle stealing cultural artifacts under the pretense that they belong in a museum, but redeems himself by punching a lot of Nazis.

…

Read More Read More

Following the excellent Starship Troopers feedback last week, here’s a selection that might be a little less controversial.

Kidding.

The Party (1968)

Who’s in it?

Peter Sellers, Claudine Longet, Steve Franken, Denny Miller

What’s it about?

Hrundi V. Bakshi (Sellers) is an up and coming Indian actor who dreams of the big time. Unfortunately, being prone to mishaps leads to him blowing up a very expensive film set, and he is fired on the spot. Due to a clerical error though, he ends up on the guest list to a party being thrown by the film’s producer, and he attends in the hope that he can apologize in person. Through no fault of his own, Bakshi stumbles through one surreal incident after another, ultimately leading to the partial destruction of a Hollywood mansion, and a blossoming romance with a young French starlet.

…

Read More Read More

I’ve had a little think about my favorite films, and what makes them my favorites. As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I’d be very interested to find out if any of my favorites align with any of your own – please let me know in the comments below!

Read Part 1 here. Without further ado, in no particular order, and no ratings (because they are all 10s), let’s get cracking!

…

Read More Read More

Here’s a New Year’s treat* to distract you from the fact that I haven’t completed a new themed watch-a-thon (it’s coming, eventually).

I’ve had a little think about my favorite films, and what makes them my favorites. As you will see, my choices are on the whole rather fluffy, but these are the films that I return to time and time again for comfort, or as a way to reset my brain. I should be ashamed to admit that there really aren’t many ‘sensible’ films on this list — in the sense that critical classics such as Citizen Kane, Belle de Jour, Black Narcissus, The Seventh Seal, or White Chicks don’t show up — however, the films that make me truly happy are the jolly romps, flights of fancy, or nostalgia-triggers.

I can appreciate, even love, a serious drama, but I won’t return to it time and time again.

…

Read More Read More