A new 20-film watch-a-thon project. All previously unseen, all free to watch. The twist for this one is that I typed the word ‘mummy’ into Tubi’s search engine, and just chose the first 20 films that showed up. I already know this is going to be terrible, and I’m really interested to see if any of the films I’m going to watch will score higher than 5 out of 10. Here goes…

Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy (AKA Tomb of the Mummy) (2013) – Tubi

Once again I am tricked like the feeble-minded fool that I am by a film with the word ‘mummy’ in the title, and no mummy in the film.

A hokey, green-screen prologue tells the sordid tale of King Osiris, his sister and wife, Isis, and his jealous brother Seth. Seth fancies Isis (his sister-in-law and sister), so he has Osiris killed and chopped up. However, Isis is a witch of sorts, and vows to reassemble Osiris before she herself is murdered.

Fast forward to modern day America, and a bunch of stereotypes (jock, nerd, stoner, good-time gal and final girl) are locked in a museum for the night with their history prof, his assistant, and a very enthusiastic Egyptologist. One thing leads to another, and Isis is resurrected. She then goes on a killing spree, collecting limbs to piece her husband back together.

It’s a pretty tedious watch, the acting ranges from fair to unbearable, the direction is either very rough, or was destroyed in the edit, and the effects are terrible. Seriously, I’m no CG artist, but I was making better particle simulations ten years earlier than this film was made — some truly awful stuff.

The poster alludes to lots of unwrapped sauciness, but Isis, as played by former adult film star Priya Rai, mostly possesses other characters, so doesn’t appear too much. That said, when she is on screen, one has to respectfully admire her canopic jugs.

One last thing, at one point the Egyptologist gets very excited at finding Isis’ Book of the Undead — her personal book of spells — a hardback book, with a spine, and printed pages… egad.

3/10

The Mummy Reborn (2019) – Tubi

When I was searching for an accompanying poster for this film, I kept skipping past the one you see above, thinking that there had been a mix-up. Further investigation revealed that, yes, this was in fact the poster for this film set in England mostly in a farmhouse that featured a mummy festooned with shaggy, trailing wraps.

Some artistic license being taken here, methinks.

Anyhoo, Tina (Tiffany Ellen Robinson — excellent) is at her wit’s end, trying to keep what’s left of her family afloat after the death of her mother. This involves trying to take care of her teenage brother, Max, who is profoundly autistic, which manifests as extreme anxiety. When her boyfriend proposes stealing an amulet from the antique store she works at, she hesitantly agrees, but the gang roped in to do the theft doesn’t just take the amulet, but the casket it was laying on. Guess what’s in the casket. Mayhem ensues.

This was a cut above the usual low-budget affair, helped in part by an excellent cast and an interesting idea. Of course, there are plenty of moments that make you scratch your head, and the second half is weaker than the first, but I thought it was executed rather well.

My only gripe was the inconsistent tone. It’s billed as a horror comedy, but refused to plant a foot firmly in either camp. Shaun of the Dead was an obvious influence, but this demonstrates how balancing tragedy and humor is a fine art. A couple of fourth wall breaks pull us out of the situation at hand, and weren’t really necessary, but I could see what the director was trying to do, and appreciated the effort.

Worth a look, I’d say.

5/10

Pharaoh’s Curse (1957) – Tubi

We hit the mid-point of this sandy insanity with Pharoah’s Curse, a film I hoped would be the antithesis of all the recent movies I’ve been watching.

Indeed, it was lovely to watch a film shot using a tripod, nicely staged lighting, and decent acting, and coming in at 66 minutes meant it trundled along lickety-split.

It is 1902, and the British aren’t making many friends in Egypt, what with their colonization and aggressive pith helmets. To make matters worse, several tomb raiding expeditions have rubbed sand in the wound, and now it’s up to Capt. Storm (Mark Dana) and a couple of grunts to locate the latest expedition and bring them home before Johnny Foreigner finds out.

The expedition leader’s wife, Sylvia Quentin (a spunky adventuress who has recently grown tired of her globe-trotting life) joins them to reunite with her husband, just so she can tell him it’s over. Along the way they bump into Simira, whose brother Numar is helping the expedition. Simira is played with feline grace by Ziva Shapir (Nefertiti from the Batman episode “The Curse of King Tut”).

When they get to the tomb, Numar is apparently killed by the mummy’s spirit, then returns to life to suck the blood from the expedition party. As he does this, he grows older and more ghastly, until he resembles a dried up, walking corpse. Traps are sprung, treasure is plundered, and cat gods prowl.

It is all terrific fun, and I was surprised by the effectiveness of Numar’s makeup — he looked shriveled, yet clammy.

Check it out if you have an hour to spare.

6/10

The Tomb (2006) – Tubi

Bruno Mattei — demon to some, angel to others.

If you are familiar with his work, then you might have a fondness for Italian exploitation flicks such as Zombi 3, SS Girls, or Women’s Prison Massacre, or you might be a fan of his liberal pilfering of other director’s works for his own films (see Cruel Jaws). Either way, your enjoyment of his films may vary.

The Tomb is utterly terrible, and yet I can’t be mad at him, firstly because he blatantly steals footage from more than one high-profile movie, and secondly because he died while directing this one (and three others).

Contrary to the poster, this film is set in Mexico, in a Mayan ruin, and there is no mummy in it (aside from some mummies stolen from another film, more later). Instead it tells the story of a sacrifice gone wrong, and a witch thousands of years later luring a bunch of terrible students into her lover’s tomb to kill them all in a bid to resurrect him. So far, so every other mummy film.

There are several elements that set this one apart from the rest though. Firstly the acting, and the overdubbing is atrocious (therefore hilarious). Next, this is one of the first forays into digital video for Mattei, and it looks truly awful. Do me a favour and watch the opening scene set in the Mayan temple thousands of years ago. It looks like someone is filming a rehearsal on a soundstage. The fidelity of the video and the over-lit environment reveals every wobbly column, every bit of duct tape holding the sarcophagi together; the beaded sweat on the actors’ faces sparkling like they just gazed into a glitter bomb. I’ve mentioned the overdubbing — the voices for these characters are next level, and the dialogue is mostly drowned out by excessive sound effects and music.

Then we get to the cribbing of other footage. It kicks off with a remake of the Santánico Pandemonium dance inside a recreation of the Titty Twister in From Dusk to Dawn, then we get actual footage taken from Army of Darkness for a cemetery death. Then we get various shots lifted from the first three Indiana Jones films including ghosts, skeletons, bats, rats and bugs (Mattei loves to steal from Spielberg). It would actually make for a fun drinking game — drink a bottle of wine every time you spot a stolen shot.

Anyhoo — it’s obviously a terrible film, horrifically made, and yet I’m wavering between giving it half a point or six out of ten.

Leaning towards the latter.

6/10

The Mummy Resurrection (2023) – Tubi

Everett Randolph, illegitimate nephew of famed explorer Felix Randolph, comes into possession of a cursed sarcophagus when the old man suffers a fatal heart attack. Mired in debt, he plans to plunder the coffin for its riches, but then decides to get his cousin, Archie, to revive the corpse inside for an extra pay day. Shenanigans ensue.

Despite looking quite good, and spending a bit of cash on set design, this film is so bloody dull. Just scene after scene of stilted dialogue with a smidgen of actual mummy action tacked on at the end. A shame really, as this had potential, especially the Dickensian sub-plot with Everett owing ten quid to the villainous money-lender, Sykes, which could have been the driving force of the film, but instead is relegated to motivation and a telegraphed ending.

The actual focus is directed at Archie and his forbidden love for housemaid Nancy, but it’s all so booooooring.

I will give the film a bonus half point for having the least pronounceable mummy so far, Khenmetptah!

4/10

Mummy Resurgence (AKA Rise of the Mummy) (2021) – Tubi

I’m onto something here. Whenever a low budget mummy film is set in the UK, one of the characters has to have a brother with mental health issues, and the mummy needs to look like the protagonist from The Shaggy D.A. (see also: Mummy Reborn (2019)).

Seriously, where are these British crews finding these mummy costumes?

Anyhoo, this one was rubbish — some university students are given the chance to examine a real mummy at their university (played here by an elementary school), they read aloud a curse, wake it up, get stuck in a time loop for no good reason, and die boringly. The mummy itself shuffles around with the jittery gait of an editor snipping out every fifth frame, and is only foiled by closed doors.

A couple of the characters are very nearly interesting, but this glimmer of hope is soon squashed by indifferent acting and a terrible script. And I know low budget filmmaking is all about getting it shot as quickly as possible, but if your actors either fluff their lines, or pause at… the wrong moments, just shoot it again — you’re using video, not 35mm. Alternatively, slap some room tone on the scene, shove in a reaction shot, and get your snip-happy editor to trim the stilted dialogue into something decent.

Gah — I feel like I’m being quite salty in this review, but I’m so bloody tired of crappy mummy movies and I’ve still got seven to go.

2/10

Previous Murky Movie surveys from Neil Baker include:

Mummy Issues, Part I
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes
Monster Mayhem
It’s All Rather Hit-or-Mythos
You Can’t Handle the Tooth
Tubi Dive
What Possessed You?
Fan of the Cave Bear
There, Wolves
What a Croc
Prehistrionics
Jumping the Shark

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Neil Baker’s last article for us was Part I of Mummy Issues. Neil spends his days watching dodgy movies, most of them terrible, in the hope that you might be inspired to watch them too. He is often asked why he doesn’t watch ‘proper’ films, and he honestly doesn’t have a good answer. He is an author, illustrator, teacher, and sculptor of turtle exhibits. (AprilMoonBooks.com).