Rise of the Machine Girls (2019) – Tubi

Arriving eleven years after Noboru Iguchi’s Machine Girl, this film is directed by Yûki Kobayashi in the frenetic style of a live-action manga — all high energy, insane reaction shots, and over-the-top violence.

In a dystopian town, a desperate population is forced to survive by selling their body parts and organs to the ruthless Dharmas, the crime family that controls the area. In the midst of this misery is a small cabaret show that features a pair of girls, Ami and Yoshi, who put on displays of combat for their adoring customers, when they would rather just be ‘idols,’ doing cute dances and making cute sounds. Yoshi has already lost an arm, and she sets out to get revenge on the Dharma family for something or other. She is captured and tortured, and it is down to Ami and a helpful assassin to save her.

This is an exploitation flick through and through — the insane violence is only matched by the number of gratuitous knicker shots, and there are moments in the film where the slapstick tone is juxtaposed with shocking brutality (the opening scene is uncomfortably ghastly, be warned). The gonzo nature of the film continues with the opening credits coming in at the 75 minute mark, title cards for each of the characters, and buckets of gore, although most of the bullet hits in the bigger action scenes were CG, and terribly done.

Still, it didn’t detract too much from the ridiculousness of it all, and I think I had fun.

7/10

Excision (2012) – Plex

Pauline (AnnaLynne McCord of 90210 and Nip/Tuck) is an emotionally disturbed teen with aspirations of being a surgeon, despite her poor performance at high school. Her family consists of an overbearing mother (Traci Lords), submissive dad (Roger Bart) and a younger sister dying of cystic fibrosis (Ariel Winter). Though socially awkward, Pauline is also extremely forthcoming, especially when selecting a fellow highschooler to lose her virginity to, and dealing with adults who think they know what’s best for her. Pauline has frequent dreams of performing complex surgeries, which culminate in psycho-sexual climaxes, and her ultimate goal is to ‘cure’ her sister.

With me so far? Well, if you do decide to check this one out, buckle up.

McCord is excellent as Pauline, as far from her usual glamour as she could be — she is almost feral in this role. Traci Lords has never been better, and she surprised me with her acting chops. The rest of the cast features a bunch of cameos; Malcolm McDowell, Marlee Matlin, Ray Wise, and John Waters as a church pastor, and everyone does a bang up job.

Tonally, the film takes a dramatic turn when it goes from weird and darkly comedic to tragic as the family falls apart to utterly horrific in the anticipated climax, and I thought it was pitch-perfect. The dream visuals were stark — all bloody red on white tiles, in perfect contrast to the grunge of Pauline’s reality — and the surreal gore effects were very well done.

Certainly worth a look.

8/10

Tusk (2014) – Netflix

Yes, you may clutch your pearls at the notion that I’ve never seen this film before, seeing as it is right up my alley, but it’s just one of those “I really must get around to watching this one day” films. Thankfully, it fits in nicely with this current theme, so here we are.

(Spoiler alert — there’s some other ‘big’ films coming up that I really should have seen before)

Wallace Bryton (Justin Long) is one half of an irritating podcast, and a thoroughly nasty little shit too. Self-obsessed, arrogant and rude, he regularly cheats on his girlfriend, Alison, (Genesis Rodriguez), and puts down his audio partner, Teddy, (Haley Joel Osment). When Wallace gets the opportunity to interview an internet loser in Winnipeg, he leaps into action, and into the clutches of a crazed serial killer who has every intention of turning Wallace into a walrus. For reasons.

Michael Parks, in one of his last roles as the crazed ‘surgeon,’ is fantastic in this, as is Long, and the scenes of them verbally sparring (albeit one-sided) are hugely entertaining. For about two thirds of the film’s runtime I was enthralled with Kevin Smith’s writing and direction, equally smart, witty and horrific, but then the transformation is prematurely complete, and we are left with an investigative plot featuring Teddy, Alison, and Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp in a cameo that was written for Quentin Tarantino, and it shows) that somewhat derailed my enjoyment. Seriously, I could have watched 100 mins of Parks and Long going at it.

Moaning aside, this is easily my favorite Smith film alongside Red State, and the absurdity of it all, muddled together with some disturbing moments, totally buttered my toast. Give me more stuff like this, Smith.

9/10

Pinocchio 964 (1991) – Tubi

Here’s an interesting one — a film that is rather hard to define, and even harder to rate. There have been plenty of Pinocchio adaptations, but none quite as unique as this low-budget shocker from director Shozin Fukui. In place of a wooden puppet seeking life, we have a sex android seeking redemption.

946 is the android in question, memory-wiped and turfed out of the cyber-brothel because he can no longer maintain a robo-chub. He wanders the streets of a dystopian city (1990s Tokyo), until he bumps into a homeless girl, Himiko, who spends her days drawing maps for other memory-wiped sufferers. They form a strange relationship, until she betrays him (possibly infected after a night of tonsil hockey) and tries to turn him over to the evil corporation who want him back for termination. Unfortunately, he has transformed into something else.

To say that’s basically the plot would be a disservice, because there is so much more going on in this film. It’s shot beautifully on 16mm, and Fukui doesn’t let an extreme shot angle pass him by — there are some amazing set ups and extreme close-ups, and the whole film feels disorientating.

There are also protracted scenes of 964 running through the city, and Himiko vomiting rubbery red chunks all over a train station (for a good 7 mins, to the point where it became hilarious), and don’t get me started on the two leads. You recall how Isabelle Adjani went full crazy in the train station in Possession? Or how Ian Holms’ Ash went doolally in Alien? Well, Haji Suzuki and Onn-chan keep that energy up for 80 mins. It’s grating and strange and quite exhausting to watch.

Possibly my favorite part of it all is that Fukui shot this guerrilla-style in Tokyo, and it’s heaps of fun looking at the faces of the bemused crowds as 964 and Himiko pelt through the streets, covered in blood or garbage, twitching and screaming.

I honestly can’t recommend it for people who like ‘proper’ films, but if you’re in the mood for something audacious, bonkers, and unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, then I say go for it.

8/10

Dr. Jekyll’s Dungeon of Death (1979) – Tubi

Dr. Jekyll (James Mathers) kidnaps criminals with the help of his braindead manservant, injects them with an ‘aggression serum’ and watches them kung-fu each other to death. There are five fights in total, featuring combinations of men and women who all suddenly learn kung-fu, and each fight goes on for about 6 minutes.

So that’s almost half the runtime dealt with. The rest is filled with Mathers overacting, John F. Kearney as Professor Atkinson underacting, and everyone else rolling their eyes in a lobotomized fashion. There’s very little plot, some abusive unpleasantness, and a lot of monologuing.

It’s dumb and dull, and yet I urge you to watch it just to see Kearney deliver his lines exactly how Richard Ayoade would.

3/10

Colony Mutation (1995) – Tubi

Drs. Jim Matthews and Meredith Weaver are an unhappily married couple who work at the same genetics lab where the main goal seems to be isolating the gene for willy size. When Dr. Weaver discovers that Jim has been unfaithful, they fight, and she throws a bottle of ‘serum 670’ into his face — setting off a chain reaction.

As his body mutates, his limbs separate to become isolated entities that bind together to make him whole, but must be let loose periodically to feed. This could have been interesting if we cared about Jim, but he’s such a horrible person, abusive and uncaring, that we want someone to put him out of his misery as quickly as possible.

This film looks absolutely terrible, presumably shot on Super 8 or something worse, and the acting, effects, direction and editing are awful. That said, I can’t help but recommend it, if only to force you to endure it to the end, when Jim’s full form is finally revealed, and it’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Seriously, you are not prepared for his head.

One film to go!

3/10

Black Swan (2010) – Disney+

We did it, we made it to the end of this transformative watch-a-thon! And with a film you’ve heard of! I’m happy to have finally watched this one.

Black Swan tells a similar story to Starry Eyes, in that a young woman is driven to the point of insanity by her desire to succeed. However, this one is less supernatural and more psychological, as Natalie Portman’s Nina slowly loses her grip on reality in the pursuit of perfection. It’s a similar balletic theme to The Red Shoes, but Aronofsky steers clear of ‘traditional’ romantic distractions in favour of imagined trysts, sexual coercion, and lots of crotch grabbing. As Nina tries to become the perfect dancer, and impress her over-bearing mother, she slowly succumbs to the darkness of the Black Swan persona, and the nature of duality is thoroughly mined.

Lots of references to other works thread through the story; it had shades of Dostoevsky’s ‘The Double’, Carrie, even Jacob’s Ladder, and I do enjoy a mind bender in the vein of Repulsion or Joker.

Portman rightly won a lot of awards for her portrayal as the troubled ballerina, and everyone else, Hershey, Cassel, Kunis, are on form here. The film looks strangely bleak for a tale about the arts. Aronofsky shot it on 16mm, and the grain adds grittiness to the muted palette. Mirrors are everywhere, and I was impressed by the work put in to hide the reflections and effects. It must have been a nightmare to choreograph.

A great ending to this current project — not my favorite, but in the top 5.

8/10

Previous Murky Movie surveys from Neil Baker include:

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part I
Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part II
Monster Mayhem
It’s All Rather Hit-or-Mythos
You Can’t Handle the Tooth
Tubi Dive
What Possessed You?
Fan of the Cave Bear
There, Wolves
What a Croc
Prehistrionics
Jumping the Shark

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Neil Baker’s last article for us was Part II of Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes. Neil spends his days watching dodgy movies, most of them terrible, in the hope that you might be inspired to watch them too. He is often asked why he doesn’t watch ‘proper’ films, and he honestly doesn’t have a good answer. He is an author, illustrator, teacher, and sculptor of turtle exhibits. (AprilMoonBooks.com).